


[DISCONTINUED] TIOL

by ennusi



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Canon Divergence from later chapters, Deconstruction, Gen, Playing Around with Tropes, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-05 06:17:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11572110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ennusi/pseuds/ennusi
Summary: Update: This is the old draft of There Is Only Life. New version is now live here http://archiveofourown.org/works/13631001/chapters/31300920





	1. It Was Easy To Leave You Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“The gods' most savage curses come upon us as answers to our own prayers. Prayer is a dangerous business.” ― Lois McMaster Bujold, The Curse of Chalion_

You had severely underestimated how utterly terrifying this world really was. Failed to think through just what it meant to share this world with people that had tremendous powers. All you’d wanted was a closer look at the man you’d come to love through the pages of a book. You jumped at the first chance to see him in the flesh. Following him silently and staying hidden amongst the crowd. But now, up close, you came to realize three things.

( _One: Reading something and experiencing it were two entirely different things_.)

The man in front of the magician fell to his knees, howling in pain. His arms severed above the elbows. Bone and muscle peeked through the open wounds as blood sprayed out onto the floor. The red stains blossomed against the fabric of his clothes. Your stomach lurched at the sight. Never had you seen someone so brutally maimed in front of your eyes.

 “Don’t forget to apologize after you hit someone~” the magician drawled, his voice lilting with malice. The bloodlust spilled out of him in waves. It was enough to freeze you in your spot at the head of the crowd. Like a thousand needles holding you in place.

( _Two: Hisoka was absolutely_ terrifying.)

You could feel how strong he was just by his aura, even with your rudimentary understanding of Nen. The depths of his aura felt like those of the ocean, so vast and dark. It seemed impossible for someone to be so strong. You feared it would crush you, if it ever aimed for you directly.

The others around you didn’t seem as affected. You guessed this had something to do with your inexperience.

( _Three: Just how out of depth you were here_.)

You led a relatively soft life before. No broken bones, never in any significant danger, and the support of friends and family. You had never experienced anything like bloodlust, especially one so tangible. _This_ was what aura was. Not some vague atmospheric nonsense usually spouted by mystics. It put you at a disadvantage compared to the other battle-hardened examinees.

You’d thought just knowing about Nen would be enough to give you mastery over it. But when you woke up in this new life, you were shocked to find you’d started at square one. Oh sure, you had _potential_. Your old master had told you that much when you first started training. You could become a strong hunter —maybe even the strongest—, but not without putting in the work. And Nen was a difficult thing to master. Even more so when you weren’t used to exerting so much effort. Spending most of your life behind a computer screen hadn’t adequately prepared you for this.

So while you had some edge over the competitors with your basic Nen, you were still just a child compared to the likes of Hisoka. At your current level, he could slaughter you instantly.

The thought made you shiver.

Subconsciously, your Nen slipped. Shadows pooled under your feet. A few people around you noticed.

_Shit_.

Hisoka, who’d already begun to walk away, stopped. He turned his head. Your frightened eyes met his amber ones. They widened with interest before narrowing back to their natural slits.

The corners of his mouth curled up.

That expression snapped you into action. You wedged yourself back into the crowd while keeping your eyes on him. When you were well behind a few people, you turned and ran.

You’d already made two fatal mistakes.

You caught Hisoka’s attention and you showed your ability to everyone else.

You, who’d familiarized yourself with the entire contents of this world and thought it was enough.

_I’m such an idiot!_

The crowd further in didn’t pay you much attention as you frantically rushed to a lonely corner and hurled your guts out. The image of the severed arms burned in your mind as you heaved up nothing but bile. This wasn’t how you had imagined things going. Sure, you’d wanted to catch Hisoka’s eye, but not like this. It was supposed to be on your terms, when you were strong enough to hold your own against him. Not when he could easily crush you like an insect. Your throat burned as you gagged some more.

Nobody bothered you during this. They probably saw your fearful behavior as normal for a child. Just another fool way in over their head. You honestly considered going home before you caught sight of who’d you’d originally come for.

Gon, Leorio and Kurapika were already with Tonpa, who was on his knees in front of the group. Ah, so they’d already had some of his “juice”. He’d tried to offer you some when you first arrived, but knowing his trick, you refused it. Now that the whole debacle was over with, it was probably safe to join them. Initially, you’d planned it this way. That is, until Hisoka distracted you.

So you wiped your lips and took several deep breaths. You hoped you looked a lot better than you felt. Once you were sure you had calmed, you walked over to them, putting on your most cheerful smile.

“Wow, I didn’t think I’d see another kid my age here!” you said by way of greeting. The group turned towards you. “Hi, my name is Raven!”

“Nice to meet you! I’m Gon and this is Leorio and Kurapika,” he said, pointing out each person. Tonpa had used the momentary distraction to scamper into the crowd. From where you stood, you noticed that you were several inches shorter than Gon. It was kind of cute.

“Aren’t you a little young to be taking this exam?” Leorio asked while scratching his cheek. He was leaning towards you a bit, examining you.

_My real body is way older_ , you thought about saying. But instead, you pointed to Gon and replied, “He’s my age and he’s taking the exam.”

“Yeah, but you’re a girl,” the older man said. You knew he said it more out of concern, but you still felt your eye twitch. Was he not aware of the words that came out of his mouth? How they sounded? If you hadn’t already known his personality, you would’ve thought him sexist.

“If she’s here then I think she’s more than capable of at least taking the exam,” Kurapika added. You smiled at him for defending you and he smiled back. He’d always been the more reasonable one, hadn’t he? He gave off such a pleasant aura, that you found yourself inching just a bit closer to him.

Leorio shrugged. “Eh, I guess…”

A high-pitched warbling sound filled the room, cutting off all conversation. You turned your attention to its source, along with everyone else. Satotz stood on one of the pipes along the wall in front of an opening in the stone. In one hand he held what was supposed to be a cartoony head-shaped bell. He pressed a button on the top to silence it. “The time for reception has ended. Now, we can begin the exam.”

He hopped down and gestured towards the dark tunnel. “This way, please.”

You ignored the rest of his words as you turned your attention back to Gon. It was nothing you hadn’t already read anyways. “Can I tag along with you guys? I felt kinda lonely with all the other adults here.”

“Sure!” Gon replied enthusiastically, his brown eyes shining. “We don’t mind, do we guys?”

Kurapika shook his head.

“Someone has to look after you kids,” Leorio muttered, though he didn’t look too troubled.

Just like that, they accepted you into their group. Your heart swelled a bit at the thought. This world was cruel, something you’d taken for granted in your idolization of it. Not everyone was willing to look after anyone but themselves. But these were good people. You could feel it in your interactions. It was a relief from people like Hisoka or even Tonpa, who were ready to take advantage of anyone’s weakness.

“No one’s ditched yet,” Leorio said while looking around. “I kind of hoped some of them would.”

No sooner had the words left his mouth that the people in front had begun to hasten their pace to a jog. _This is it_ , you thought.

“Is everyone in a rush to leave or what?”

“I think this is part of the test,” you cut in, keeping your pace with the others. Your heartbeat quickened in anticipation. Fortunately, you’d had the foresight to work on your stamina when you first arrived in this world. You hoped it was enough. “I have a feeling we’re going to be running for a while.”

Satotz introduced himself and explained how the phase worked. This was only the first round of the exam. Everyone who wanted to pass would have to follow him to the place of the second round. He didn’t tell anyone how long they’d be running, but you already knew it was around 50 miles. The others didn’t look too worried, so you tried to school your features into the same indifference.

A silver-haired boy sailed right past the group on a skateboard. Your heart skipped a beat. Killua Zoldyck. Admittedly, you’d always had a bit of a crush on him since his first appearance. His cool and aloof demeanor appealed to you and you couldn’t believe you were actually meeting him in the flesh.

At least with Killua you didn’t have to worry that he’d kill you. Sort of.

Not while you were friends with Gon, at least.

Leorio was pitching a fit over Killua’s skateboard, as expected. After the little spat, Killua looked back in your general direction. Your cheeks warmed, even though his eyes were only on Gon.

“How old are you?” he asked.

“Twelve!” Gon replied.

“Just like me.” In one fluid motion, Killua hopped off his skateboard and kicked it in the air. He easily caught it under his arm without missing a single step. “I’m going to run too. Name’s Killua.”

“I’m Gon.”

Killua turned to Leorio with a big smile. “And you, Mister?”

“Oy, don’t ‘Mister’ me, I’m not that old. We’re from the same generation!” Leorio shouted.

“Are you sure?”

“Ugh, that’s it! I’m never speaking to you again, Gon!”

You couldn’t help giggling at their exchange and at the sight of Kurapika trying to separate himself from the commotion. Even knowing ahead what would happen, it was funny watching it right before your very eyes. Then Killua’s blue eyes slid over to you. Your heart jumped.

“I saw you,” he said, voice soft. You felt the blush spread to the rest of your face. Killua had _noticed_ you. And he was speaking to you. How many times had you imagined a scenario like this? He mistook your silence for confusion and clarified. “When that guy got his arms cut off. You were in the front.”

“O-Oh. Yeah, that was pretty scary,” you replied nervously, not wanting to remember it too much. The thought reminded you that Hisoka was still around. Worse yet, you didn’t know his exact position. So you opted to change the topic as quickly as possible for your peace of mind. “My name’s Raven.”

 “I don’t like you.”

The statement was so unexpected that, for a second, all you could do was stare at him blankly. “What?”

“You seem fake,” Killua said, his eyes locked on your own. In that moment, they reminded you of ice. So cold and distant. Nothing like how he’d looked at the others.

His words felt like a knife through your chest. It hurt even more coming from one of your favorite characters. While you were certain he didn’t know the exact circumstances of your existence, the fact that he read you so well was unnerving. But you should’ve expected this. He had the sharp mind of an assassin, after all. Much more observant than Gon ever was.

And he was right. Your life here was a lie. You weren’t born into this world like everyone else. You forced your way in. You knew more than you should have because you’d cheated.

_You didn’t belong here._

Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, so you turned away. You swallowed back the lump forming in your throat. “I’m…not,” you replied softly.

You were silent from then on, letting the sounds of thumping shoes that echoed around the tunnel fill your ears. Killua went back to talking to Gon. You picked up your pace a little to be closer to Kurapika. Leorio had started lagging behind. After a while, your legs began to burn a little. People were already dropping like flies, splayed over the stairs in exhaustion. You hoped you weren’t one of them before the end of this test as you maneuvered around them.

Gon and Killua gradually made their way to the front of the group, still engrossed in their conversation. Gon was most likely talking about his father being a hunter. Leorio had stripped down to his pants and sprinted ahead, determined not to fail. Kurapika had gone after him while asking him questions. You were the only one left behind.

The reality of the situation dawned on you. The others were so focused on their own paths to pay you any mind. They hadn’t even bothered to look back.

 Your pace started to falter.

Other examinees passed you from behind. From the corner of your eye, you thought you saw Tonpa smirking.

What exactly was your place here? Gon and Killua. Leorio and Kurapika. You were the odd one out. It had been easy to get them to let you in. But it had been just as easy to be forgotten.

If you weren’t careful, you would end up all alone. Watching their backs as they walked away, at a pace too fast for you to catch up.

You thought of the life you left behind.

Of all the work you’d put in just getting here.

Of Hisoka’s cruel smile as he looked at you.

_No, I can’t quit. Not now_. You forced your legs to work harder, propelling you further. This was what you wanted, wasn’t it? To live in their world and be a part of it. What else would you do if you failed? The only life you knew in this world was that of a hunter. Without that license, you were hopeless. Then you might as well have not made your wish at all.

This was your only chance. You knew what would stop you from passing the year after.

So what it things hadn’t exactly worked out like you wanted? You were still here and you could still find a way to build the life you’d wanted. It wasn’t going to be easy, but nothing in life ever was.

You pushed yourself up the final steps, stepping out into the sunlight. Outside, you rested your hands on your knees as you caught your breath. It was easy to let yourself fall behind.

But you were determined to avoid that fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only going to get worse from here for Reader MC.
> 
> The name chosen by the "reader" is Raven, for all intents and purposes. It's common enough to fit what I'm going for. Her real name is never mentioned by nature of being a X Reader fic.


	2. Like a Moth to a Flame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“One of the most important things you can do on this earth is to let people know they are not alone.” ― Shannon L. Alder_

You’d thought things would get a lot easier past the tunnel. Of course, you were dead wrong.

While your stamina was certainly better than average, it was nothing compared to that of Gon and Killua. The two were currently up ahead, seeming no less tired than when they first started. A twinge of envy sprouted in your heart at the sight. At least you were doing better than poor Leorio. His skin had a subtle sheen to it from all the sweating he was doing. His willpower alone was astounding to still keep going.

You’d become so lost in your thoughts that you’d failed to notice the fog creeping up around you. The other competitors blurred to vague shadows. Your eyes darted back and forth, looking for Leorio and Kurapika. They’d been right next to you only a few moments ago. The fog grew even thicker, further obscuring your visibility. You kept your eyes focused on the shadow of a person ahead. If you followed them, surely you’d find the o—

You yelped as something warm splattered against your face, stopping you in your tracks. You wiped your face with your hands. _Damn, swamp bugs_ , you thought. When you pulled your hands away, they were smeared with red.

In front, the fog shifted and exposed the mangled remains of several men in a field of mushrooms.

Your hands clamped over your mouth as you gagged. You wrenched your eyes away from all the blood and raced around the plants. You tried to find the group again, but no one was around. You were lost in a swamp with a thousand different ways it could kill you. How stupid to have gotten so distracted. Your hands trembled against your mouth.

“L-Leorio!” you shrieked out the first name that sprung to mind.

“Raven?” he shouted back from somewhere up ahead. “Where are you?”

“I-I don’t know! I think I’m lost.”

“It’s going to be okay. Just follow the sound of my voice!” he assured you. Leorio continued shouting back to you, trying to guide you through the fog. His voice grew closer and you felt relief wash over you.

Ahead, you saw a figure emerging from the fog. A hand reached out. In your desperation, you propelled yourself forward and grabbed it.

But instead of Leorio, you found yourself face to face with Hisoka.

You gasped and tried to pull away. His grip only tightened around your hand.

“Raven! Raven, are you still there?” you heard Leorio shout. His voice sounded even further away now.

“Are you lost, little fairy~?” The way his voice curled around the words, like a snake, made you shiver. Had the circumstances been any different, you would’ve swooned. But now he only seemed to fill you with dread. It didn’t help that the pressure around your hand was still painful.

“What do you want with me?” you asked in a shaky voice. You could still hear Leorio calling for you in the distance. You hoped he would find you before whatever Hisoka had in mind for you.

“I’m only here to help,” Hisoka replied, looking almost offended that you’d think otherwise. “This place is dangerous for someone like you. You never know _what_ you might find here~” His tone shifted by the end with malicious glee. That look he was giving you was familiar. He was up to something devious.

“You mean, something like you?”

His smile only widened.

You knew you wouldn’t stand a chance against him if he attacked. Hisoka was stronger, whether it was mentally, physically, or with Nen. And unlike most people, he had no morality to restrain his tendencies. What had made you think you ever stood a chance at charming him? Hisoka only cared about his own entertainment and beyond a good fight, you ultimately didn’t matter.

“You don’t have to be so afraid of me,” he said. Then he tugged you forward, causing you to stumble. “In fact, I’ll help you find your friends.”

Your steps were slow and hesitant behind him. “That’s not like you.”

“Think of it as a show of good will,” he said, with a smile that would’ve seemed sincere had it reached his eyes.

He guided you through the fog at an easy pace. The distant screams of the people around you only served to put you further on edge. Your mind raced with plans to escape if he tried anything. Knowing Hisoka, there was a ninety-nine percent chance of it happening. Hopefully, you were quick enough to avoid death by his hands.

You’d barely finished the thought when his other hand flicked at the wrist. A handful of cards appeared. Startled, you pulled back. But he threw the cards ahead of him. Several men screamed. Leorio was among them.

That distraction was all Hisoka needed. He let go and swung his other arm at you. You pulled back, your foot catching and causing you to fall. Hisoka held a single card between his fingers, stained red. Your fingers brushed against your throat, feeling the blood from where he managed to cut you.

Had you not fallen, he would’ve slaughtered you.

The fog around you shifted and you heard Gon calling out for Leorio. He and Kurapika were standing nearby, the latter with his swords drawn. There were other men around, every one of them watching Hisoka warily.

“What are you doing?!” Leorio demanded. His hand pressed against his other arm where the card cut him.

Hisoka chuckled, shuffling a deck of cards between his hands. “I’m playing the role of judge~”

One of the men on the ground moaned in pain in a pool of his blood. Seconds ticked by, no one saying a word as they all stared at Hisoka. Even you had your eyes trained on him, awaiting his next move. The sound of your heart hammering inside your chest filled your ears. The arm swamp air felt suffocating.

“I tried to stay calm,” Hisoka continued, his voice too casual for all the blood he’d just spilled. “But this first round is just too easy for me.” He picked up the card at the top of his deck. From your position on the ground, you saw it was the Joker. “So I decided to give the jury a helping hand~”

Hisoka’s eyes narrowed, his smirk more malicious. Something in those amber eyes darkened. “Now it’s my turn to judge you all~”

For a brief moment, no one said anything. Then one of the nearby men still standing broke out into mocking laughter. “You’re kidding, right? Look at all this mist, it’ll be impossible to find the judge again. You’ve lost just like the rest of u—”

The card pierced his forehead right through the middle. Blood gushed forth as he fell to the ground.

“Please behave yourself,” Hisoka chided. “Don’t compare me to the likes of you. And don’t forget, once you’re in the afterlife, nothing’s impossible for a magician~”

Suddenly the men drew their weapons and surrounded Hisoka. You took advantage of the distraction to run away and join Leorio and Kurapika. Leorio pushed you behind him to shield you. You regretted not bringing a weapon along. Anything just to have _some_ kind of chance against this monster.

Hisoka held up the four of hearts. “This card will be enough to take on all of you~”

“Oh yeah?!” And with that, the men charged him. But for all their bravado, they were absolutely no match for the madman.

None of the depictions did Hisoka any justice, in your opinion. You found yourself entranced by his agility, despite the bloodshed. Every move was so fluid and quick, that the men had no time to move. He slashed through each of them with ease, aiming for necks, faces, even eyes. You could hear Leorio struggling to react to such a display of skill. And through it all, Hisoka laughed.

Your blood ran cold. What had ever made you think you could ever love someone so cruel? Those same features you’d thought of as handsome and charming now seemed frightening.

“You’ve all failed~” Hisoka announced to the corpses behind him. Then he turned his eyes towards the group. You clutched at Leorio’s arm. “There are only four of you left~”

You hadn’t even noticed the man that had sidled up next to the group. You flinched at his presence.

Hisoka began to approach.

“At my signal, we all go off in different directions,” the man whispered.  You wished you could remember his name. “He’s really strong and won’t hesitate to kill. It’s obvious we don’t stand a chance, even together.”

“You all must have good reasons for becoming hunters. It’d be stupid to lose now!” he added.

 _Not me_ , you thought. _My reasons were selfish._

Your goals for wishing yourself here weren’t noble or inspiring. You just wanted to stand out. Wanted to be the center of attention. You’d foolishly thought everyone would be falling at your feet and praising you. You even thought you’d be stronger than the chairman himself. Imagine that.

 _Heh, maybe…I deserve to die_.

Hisoka’s steps were slow and deliberate. His mouth still curved into that same malevolent grin.

_Should I just…let him?_

“Now!”

“Come on!” Leorio chose for you, grabbing your wrist and pulling you with him. You looked back, seeing Hisoka’s form fade with the mist.

Leorio suddenly shoved you ahead. You turned your head back to him. “Go, find Kurapika! He’ll keep you safe.”

“What are you…?”

“GO!” With that, he turned and ran back in Hisoka’s direction.

Oh. This was when he tried to fight him. Part of you wanted to go stop him, even though you knew he would be fine. He would, wouldn’t he? Hisoka was just so terrifying. Things had changed a bit since you’d arrived. What if this outcome was different? Had you made a big enough impact that Leorio could die?

_I really am…so selfish._

You thought inserting yourself into this world would be a clean-cut deal. You hadn’t thought of the consequences that might incur. Didn’t that same principle apply to time travel? The smallest change can end up causing the biggest effects. Like a ripple in a stream, spreading far and out.

_Leorio don’t…_

You thought about his dreams to open up a free clinic. Of how often he would reach out to Kurapika later on. Of how he’d grabbed your hand without hesitation to save you.

_You can’t—_

“LEORIO!” you shrieked before your vision went black. Your body went cold and you felt something envelop you like a thick cloth. The sensation was uncomfortable, almost suffocating. You couldn’t see or hear anything, but you were still conscious enough to know something was happening.

Suddenly, something hard slammed against your back. You gasped for air and blinked. The darkness gave way to white mist and you found Hisoka staring down at you. His hand was at your neck and there was a glimmer of interest in his eyes.

“So the fairy has horns, does she~?”

_What happened?_

“You let her go!” Leorio rushed forward, wooden stick in hand to attack Hisoka.

In one motion, the magician raised his leg back and swung fast. His foot struck Leorio’s cheek with tremendous force. Leorio fell to the ground, unmoving. You cried out, afraid he’d killed him. But Hisoka turned to you with a smile. His face was uncomfortably close. “Don’t worry, he’ll live~”

Something dark smacked against Hisoka’s cheek. His grip loosened and you kicked against his chest, giving you enough space to scramble out from under him. Gon stood to your right, his hands gripping his fishing pole tightly.

Both of you stared as Hisoka slowly pushed himself off the ground, head still turned away.  Once standing, he whipped his head towards Gon with inhuman speed.

“That was pretty good~,” he said. Gon only stared as Hisoka took a step forward. “What a peculiar weapon. Will you show it to me?”

His foot barely touched the ground when he was suddenly mere inches from Gon. The boy swung but hit only air. Hisoka appeared behind him, grinning madly. He grabbed Gon by the neck and wagged his other index finger in the air. “Ah, I wouldn’t do that if I were you~”

Gon’s gaze slid over to Hisoka. For a few moments, neither moved a muscle. Then the magician set him down and crouched in front of him.

“Don’t worry, your friends all pass~” He stared at Gon a bit, humming softly. “As a matter of fact, you too. You’ll become a good hunter~”

Something beeped in Hisoka’s back pocket. He pulled out a small, black communicator. “Hisoka, hurry back,” a voice said between bursts of static. “I don’t think it’ll be long before they reach the second test center.”

“Alright, I’m heading your way~,” Hisoka said as he stood. He walked over to Leorio’s unconscious body and slung him over his shoulder. “Our companions are both waiting for us. You’ll find your way back on your own, won’t you?”

“Yes…” Gon replied softly.

Hisoka smirked and sauntered away. “What a good boy~”

Gon stared after him, dropping to his knees. You could hear Kurapika approaching from behind, asking if you both were alright.

Looking at Gon, you could really feel how much you didn’t belong here. You knew what was going through Gon’s mind. He was scared yes, but more than that, he was excited. _Curious_. The encounter with Hisoka sparked something inside of him. Something that would grow and burn like a wildfire in the coming months.

But you were just afraid. Terrified Hisoka’s abilities and of knowing there were others like him. People even stronger than him. Part of you wanted to separate yourself again so you could avoid it. Another part was too scared to do so. The group was like a crutch. You were in danger by being with them, but also safe. It was a bizarre duality.

In the end, you followed Gon and Kurapika through the swamp.

You reasoned to yourself that even if things got bad, you’d always have _someone_ to pull you to safety. Just as Leorio had.


	3. Fates Intertwined Like Eagle Threads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“A small debt makes a man your debtor, a large one your enemy” — Proverb_

"Hold still," Leorio commanded as he pushed the cloth against your neck. His briefcase was open beside him, holding an assortment of medicines and spare clothing. The two of you were closer to the edge of the forest, away enough from the rest of the group for a bit of privacy.

Despite your protests, Leorio insisted on cleaning up your wound while they waited for phase two. Even while ignoring his own swollen cheek. He worked fast, with the practice you'd expect from someone who wanted to be a doctor. Kurapika had offered to help, but Leorio had shooed him away, saying he needed space to work.

The amount of care he was showing you made your cheeks warm. You weren't used to having anyone fuss over you, even in your past life. While it was a little embarrassing, you let him do as he wanted. It felt…nice.

"So," Leorio began as he pressed a bandage against the cut. "You wanna tell me what happened back there?"

Your eyes met his. "Huh?"

"In the swamp, right after you called for me."

"But, I thought you said—"

He looked around to make sure you both were alone before explaining. "I lied. Well, sort of. I can't remember how I got this." He gestured towards his cheek. "But I remember you. When you attacked Hisoka…you were like a shadow."

You chewed your lip and looked away your mind processed this information. You remembered screaming. Darkness. And then Hisoka kneeling over you.  _Like a shadow._  You must've used your Hatsu subconsciously. It would explain why Hisoka had you by the neck.

Would it really be okay to tell Leorio about Nen? They weren't supposed to learn about it until later on as part of the secret exam. Although, deep down, you wanted to impress him a bit. He was always taking care of you, like a child. You didn't want to feel so helpless.

But you'd already changed things enough. You didn't know how big the consequences would be of telling him about Nen too early. Your presence in this world was a strange give and take. For all you'd acquired it seemed like it also kept pressuring you to give  _something_  back. You just didn't know what that something was.

The image of Leorio's hand over yours becomes fixed in your mind.

Your resolve tethers to it.

You didn't want that  _something_  to be Leorio.

"I don't really know," you muttered. It wasn't a complete lie. You still didn't know the extent of your Nen. Besides, he would benefit more learning from an actual teacher. "I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Can you…keep this a secret between us?

Leorio grinned and patted you on the head. "Don't worry about it, kid. But if you need help, don't expect me to hold back, got it?"

The gesture felt more comforting than patronizing. You smiled back and nodded.

It was strange. You'd never thought you'd form some kind of bond with Leorio. Sure, you liked him enough before, but never to the extent of the others. You'd expected to stick closer to Gon and Killua, maybe even Kurapika. Hell, even Hisoka had crossed your mind before Leorio ever had. You'd underestimated just how  _nice_  this guy was and how much you'd need that in this world.

As the clock finally struck noon, you asked Leorio if you could stay close to him.

Without any hesitation, he said yes.

* * *

After Gon figured out the pig's weakness, it was pretty easy for everyone else to catch their own. You, however, used more stealth in capturing yours. Using Zetsu to mask your presence, you climbed up a tree near an unsuspecting pig and dropped your full weight on its weak spot. You joined the others in taking your prize back to Buhara.

* * *

 _Damn it, Menchi!_ you thought to yourself as you stared at the materials before you. Why did she even have to make this test so ridiculous? At least Buhara hadn't been so finicky. You were a terrible cook. Your past life had seen more takeout and microwavable food than homemade. And while you knew what sushi looked like, you didn't know how to make it.

 _Eh, no one passes this round anyway_.

You presented a half-assed attempt after Leorio just to get it out of the way. "No better than number 403!" Menchi announced, tossing the plate away.

While she was busy with the other competitor's failed dishes, you shoved handfuls of rice in your mouth to satisfy your empty stomach.

* * *

And of course, no one passed Menchi's test. You snatched an empty container from under the sink, filled it with rice and shoved it in Leorio's briefcase. For the road.

* * *

 _Maybe I should've tried harder with the sushi_ , you thought as you stared down the edge of the ravine. You couldn't even see the bottom. According to Menchi, there was a deep river with a strong current. It would drown you before you ever made it back to shore. You didn't blame the people that decided to quit rather than take the risk. Millions of scenarios ran through your head, all of them ending with your death.

"Come on, Raven!" Leorio urged. He seemed happier doing this than trying to cook.

You had no time to think twice before he and the others jumped down. So you steeled your nerves, took a deep breath and leaped. Your heart felt like it would explode as you fell with the wind whipping your hair back. You wanted to scream, but fear choked you. You kept your gaze locked on the nearest Spider-Eagle thread and reached out.

It slipped past your fingers.

You shrieked and flailed your arms trying to find purchase. Somehow, you ended up facing the sky as you plummeted. Above, you heard someone shout for you.

Images of both your lives flicked through your mind, alternating like the lenses of a phoropter. You wondered how long it would take for the group to forget you. And briefly, you wondered if anyone in your other life missed you at all.

You jerked to a sudden stop, dangling in midair. For a second, you wondered if you'd already died. But you could still see the Spider-Eagle threads and the forms of the other examinees. Then you gazed at the sky through the crisscrossed webs. It had never looked so beautiful before.

Tears spilled down your cheeks of their own accord. You were still  _alive_.

But, how were you airborne?

On a whim, you used to Gyo and saw that you were suspended by a pink colored aura. You followed the trail up with mounting dread. Sure enough, it ended with Hisoka pointing down at you and smirking. He crouched with perfect balance atop one of the threads.

You squinted up at him, wondering why he would even bother after he tried to kill you in the swamp. Then it dawned on you. He wanted you to owe him, just like with Gon. If he let you live it was because he saw you had potential. Hisoka wanted to fight him sometime in the future.

As he gradually pulled you up, you noticed he stopped just long enough to let you secure your own egg.

* * *

"You can repay me when you're stronger," Hisoka whispered as he walked past you.

The egg's taste turned bitter on your tongue.

* * *

Gon and Killua left to explore the ship after Netero finished talking. You thought about following them, but the memory of Killua's cold eyes stopped you.

"Those kids have too much energy," Leorio muttered despondently. He yawned and stretched his arms above his head. "Me, I'm gonna take a long nap. You coming, Raven?"

"Yeah." All the excitement from the swamp and Hisoka made your limbs feel heavy. Some rest would do you good.

"It has been a rather long day," Kurapika added, his eyes half-closed. "But, something still bothers me."

Leorio turned. "Hmm?"

"They haven't told us how many tests we have left."

"It varies from year to year," Tonpa said. You all turned to look at him as he approached. "The committee decides depending on the trials, but it's usually five or six."

"That means there's still three or four left," Leorio mused.

Kurapika nodded. "We'd better use this opportunity to rest."

"I'd advise you all to stay vigilant," Tonpa said with a smirk. "A lot can happen between here and eight o'clock. We also can't discount the possibility of the test taking part here. If something happened while you guys were asleep, then you won't be able to go onto the next round. Especially with her."

He pointed right at you and you narrowed your eyes at him. "Me?"

"Since a lot of people saw you almost fall in the last test, no doubt they think you'll be the easiest to target right now. And since they didn't set any kind of rules against fighting here, you can count on it happening."

Is…is that how everyone thought of you? As some weak little girl to dispose of before the real competition? You thought back to all that had happened so far. If it hadn't been for Leorio, Gon, even Hisoka, you would've died a long time ago. Didn't that make you a liability to them?

You clenched your fists, glaring at Tonpa's retreating back.  _How rude._  You vowed to work even harder and pull your own weight. You wanted to earn your hunter license through your own efforts. If anyone thought you were an easy target, you wanted to prove them wrong.

"I don't trust a single word out of his mouth," you said through gritted teeth. "His juice tasted like fucking piss."

Leorio chuckled and ruffled your hair. "Yeah, I don't trust him either."

"It would make sense that he'd try to narrow down the competition this way," Kurapika said. "The less people there are, the better your chances of passing."

"Let him try. It'll take more than that to get rid of us, right?" Leorio asked. Both you and Kurapika nodded. "Now let's find someplace to settle down because I'm beat."

* * *

You ended up tucked between the two, wrapped in your own blanket. After all the tests, it almost felt like paradise to have a moment of peace. You thanked any deities out there for the opportunity. The other candidates probably thought the same thing. Even though a lot of them were eyeing each other warily, no one had made any sudden movements thus far.  _Tonpa's such a bad liar_.

"Hey." You blinked and looked up at Leorio with half-lidded eyes. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

He reached a hand to rub the back of his head, his gaze darting away from you. "After what happened in the mountain, I just…" he trailed off, searching for whatever he'd wanted to say. Finally, he sighed and his expression shifted to one of remorse. "I'm sorry."

You blinked. "For what?"

"I shouldn't have let you jump. I should've helped you or done the test for you,  _anything_. If…If it hadn't been for…you would've…"

He pressed his lips together, seeming on the verge of crying. After Hisoka had pulled you up, Leorio had rushed over to you to make sure you were okay. He even let you hug him for a bit while you cried. You hadn't expected him to beat himself up so much over the incident. It warmed your heart that he cared so much.

"It's not your fault," you said and rested your head against his arm. You inhaled the faint lingering scent of his cologne. It was something sharp and a little too strong. But it still filled you with comfort, so you decided it was perfectly suited for him. "It was just an accident. Besides, you've already helped me enough."

Leorio wrapped one arm around you. "There's no limit to how much I'll help, remember that."

"I will," you replied and closed your eyes. His warmth and the sound of his breathing began lulling you to sleep. "Leorio."

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

He gave you one last reassuring squeeze before you drifted off into unconsciousness.

* * *

Looking at the figure before you was like staring through a foggy lens. It had a vague form about it, but it was all blurred and incomprehensible. You were aware it had a shape the first time you'd encountered it. But when you tried to think back, it seemed as if it never had a definite form to begin with. You reached out, but it melted into the air like wisps of smoke.

"You knew this would happen, didn't you?" you demanded when you sensed it reappeared behind you.

_No. Yes. Maybe._

The words were not spoken, but you could still hear them all the same. Their presence seemed to weigh in the air, pressing down with the weight of something you couldn't understand.

"This isn't what I asked for," you said, whipping around to face it. "You broke our deal."

_You weren't clear. Precise. Explicit._

_Our deal stands. Fulfilled. Done._

"What are you even getting out of this? Can you at least answer that?"

No answer.

You clenched your fists, nails digging into the soft flesh of your palms. "This isn't fair and you know it!" Your anger began to taint the space a dark red, like blood spilled in water.

_Do you want to go home? Leave? Give up?_

Did you? Part of you wanted to say yes and return to the safety of your previous life. Where you didn't have to worry about Hunter Exams and the fact that everything was actively trying to kill you. The words were on your tongue. Then the image of Leorio pulling you to safety came to mind.

Was this world really any different than the world you'd left?

You remembered the warnings your mother instilled in you as a child. All the restrictions set upon you throughout your life to keep you safe.

( _Don't talk to strangers. It's dangerous to walk alone at night. That part of town is dangerous._ )

They echoed in your head, swirling and mixing together louder and louder until you couldn't hear anything above the discordant melody of it. You clapped your hands over your ears, willing it to stop.

The only difference between both worlds was that this one was at least honest about its true nature.

_You already have your answer._

You looked down and noticed that you stood before it as 'Raven'.

Suddenly, the ground fell out from under you.

"Wait!" you shouted at the figure that was growing smaller before your eyes. "At least fix everything to how it's supposed to be!"

It's cackling laughter reached your ears and made your blood boil. It was enjoying watching you stumble. There'd be no help coming from that if anything were to happen to you. Your last thought was about killing it as payback next time you got the chance.

* * *

You jolted awake with laughter still echoing in your ears. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you looked around. The sky was still dark beyond the windows, which meant there was still plenty of time before the next exam. Kurapika and Leorio were still asleep on either side of you, undisturbed by your waking.

You shifted around trying to get more comfortable. That was when you noticed Hisoka sitting in front of you, staring. In the dim light of the ship, his amber eyes seemed to glow.

He probably meant to scare you. But with the dream's laughter still fresh on your mind, his presence was merely irritating.

"I'll kill you too," you muttered, snuggling closer to Leorio.

You could practically hear Hisoka's answering grin. "Oh, I certainly hope so~"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to extend a warm thank you for all the kudos and comments so far! I hope you guys are enjoying this story. This chapter gave me a little trouble as I was writing it, otherwise, I would've posted it two days ago lol. The story has begun to take a life of its own, turning into something a bit different than what I originally had planned (for example, Leorio wasn't supposed to get so much focus, yet here we are). I'm excited to see how it turns out along with everyone. Thank you for all the support!


	4. The First Taste of Blood is That of Payment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Killing is not so easy as the innocent believe." ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_

It felt like you'd been walking for hours through the tower. There was virtually no light to see by, so you relied heavily on touch and sound to navigate. Every footstep echoed so loudly, you felt as if the entire tower could hear where you were. Numerous doorways lined the passages, but they only lead to more corridors or dead ends. You were beginning to wonder if you'd ever make it out in time.

Fortunately, you hadn't run into any of the other examinees. It would've been too easy for them to pick you off like this. Especially Hisoka.

A chill raced down your spine.

At the rate you were going, he'd probably already reached the bottom long ago. The thought helped you relax a bit.

Even though things hadn't gone according to plan, you were somewhat glad. Being the group's fifth would've meant dealing with all the hardened criminals they had to go up against and you wouldn't have stood a chance. Well, you might've been able to handle the skinny bomber and the girl.

You frowned. The thought brought to mind the little challenge between her and Leorio. The memory was strangely irritating.

 _That bitch_.  _Doesn't she have those cellmates to—wait. Why am I so worked up over this?_

You were so lost in your thoughts that you hadn't noticed you'd walked into a room until the door closed behind you. The space was small enough that just taking three steps would have you on the other side. In front were two doors and in the middle, a panel with two buttons. Above that was a sign that read:  _Press X for left, O for right._

Which way should you choose? There was no telling where any of the doors would lead. You had to think it over carefully. One of those could be a trap.

A rumbling sound broke your thoughts. You looked up and your eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. The already-low ceiling dropped quickly with an ear-splitting scrape.

 _What do I do?_  you thought frantically. The ceiling now pressed against your head. Your thoughts were too scrambled. The ceiling pressed down even further. You had to make a choice and fast or it would crush you.

You mashed your fingers against the X and dove through the opening.

This room was only slightly larger than the previous one. Four torches lined each corner, providing dim lighting. The sound of crackling fire filled the space around you. From behind, you heard the scraping continue until it ended with a loud thud. There was no going back.

You stood and dusted yourself off when a voice made you freeze. "Ah, it's only a  _child_. What a pity."

A large man stepped out of the shadows, dressed in ragged clothes and shackled by the wrists. His black hair reached down to his mid-back and a thick beard covered the bottom half of his face. His features looked wilted, almost making him look sad. When he spoke, his voice was soft and deliberate.

Every muscle in your body tensed. Your hair stood on end. Although he wasn't giving off any kind of sinister aura like the one Hisoka had, you knew he had to be a criminal. This was the Trick Tower, after all.

"What's the test here?" you asked, although you suspected you already knew the answer.

"So impatient," the man said with a chuckle. "There is no test here. My name is Brigbel and we'll simply fight to the death. If I kill you, I get my freedom. If you win, then you'll be able to pass."

All the blood drained from your face. Brigbel was huge. His hands alone looked like they dwarfed your entire head. You still had no weapons and only a Hatsu you didn't fully understand. You stood no chance against this giant.

"I don't want to fight," you said. Your words came out softer than you intended. It made you sound pathetic.

"I'm afraid we don't have a choice," Brigbel replied. "Truthfully, I'd rather not hurt a child. However…"

He glanced over at a camera positioned in the corner. The shackles clicked open and fell away with a clang. He rubbed his wrists while looking you dead in the eye. "I think it's a small price to pay for freedom."

"You don't have to do this." There was no hiding the tremor in your voice as you took slow steps backward. There was no way you'd win this fight. Despite all your training with your old master, you had absolutely no battle experience. Especially not with someone willing to murder you.

_Pitting a child against a seasoned criminal. What kind of sick, twisted world is this?_

"It's been so long since I've seen the sun. You've grown up so free, so it's only fair."

He advanced towards you, his face devoid of any emotion.  _Liar!_  you thought.  _If you really didn't want this, you'd be more remorseful._  You squeaked when your back touched the wall.

"Think of it as a mercy," Brigbel said. His voice echoed around the room, surrounding you. "This exam is no place for little girls like you."

_Liar!_

Mercy was Leorio looking after you even when he didn't have to. Or the man who came up with a plan in the swamp to save you all.

( _Come to think of it, you hadn't seen him since then. He'd most likely died back there_.)

Even Hisoka saving you was more merciful than this.

_Mercy would've been warning me about all this before I made my wish._

Laughter echoed in your ears and hardened your resolve. You weren't going to give that thing the satisfaction of winning. And you were going to show this world that you weren't going down that easily. You didn't want to fight Brigbel. Killer or not, it wasn't your place to take his life. But you were prepared to find a way out without resorting to that. You figured the examiners would be satisfied with you thinking outside the box of choices you were given.

The muscles in your legs tensed. You held your breath as Brigbel came closer.  _Step. Step. Now!_

He reached and you dashed through his leg, throwing yourself against the door. The examiners controlled the doors, but maybe a little Nen would be enough break it down. But first, you'd have to handle Brigbel before he killed you.

"I wanted to make this as painless as possible for you," he said, turning to face you. "But if you keep moving, I can't guarantee that."

"Your act would be more convincing if you didn't value your freedom over  _my own life_ ," you spat. "What did you do for them to lock you up? You probably deserved it. Me? I don't deserve any of this."

"Don't you? This exam was a choice, not an obligation."

You ground your teeth together, hating to admit that he was right. You put yourself into this situation. But you weren't the one who'd twisted the circumstances and left you to suffer this fate. That thing knew very well what you'd wanted, but it took advantage of your phrasing. Of what you left unsaid, thinking it wasn't necessary.

"I'm not a killer," you said, clenching your fists. "And I refuse to be one now."

Brigbel's booming laughter made you flinch. "You couldn't kill me even if you wanted to, child. I've killed men stronger than you with my bare hands."

 _So has Hisoka and yet here I am_. "You don't know what I'm capable of."

"Even if you could lay a hand on me, you've already admitted your defeat. If you won't kill me, then this is where you die."

He lunged for you, with speed faster than you thought he was capable of. You dove away, twisting around to face him again. Brigbel swung, but you jumped back. You had to find a way to knock him out. You could use Ko or Ryu to strengthen your attacks. But you'd never tried to use those techniques. And with Brigbel keeping you on your toes, you didn't have the opportunity now. Maybe if you had an object, something heavy and—

Your eyes zeroed in on the discarded shackles.  _There!_  If you could get to those, you could use them as a weapon. It wasn't much, but you stood a better chance than if you went at him barehanded. You dodged another punch and sprinted around him.

You reached out. Something gripped your ankle, hard.  _No!_  Brigbel easily pulled you back and slammed you to the ground. Pain shot through your entire body. You gasped as the air forced out of your lungs. The metallic taste of blood coated your tongue. Brigbel's hand closed around your throat as he loomed over you. For a brief moment, the sight shifted to that of Hisoka, grinning down at you.

" _P-Please_ …" you gasped out. But through your failing vision, you saw no compassion in Brigbel's eyes. His freedom was more important than your life. Unlike Hisoka, he didn't care if you had potential or not.

A strange giggle forced itself from your lips. Who would've ever thought you'd find more mercy in Hisoka?

It just wasn't fair.

What were you expecting of this world? You'd seen people die horrific deaths. You'd seen all the underhanded things they did. How vicious and bloodthirsty they all were. Yet somehow, you'd glossed over all that. You thought it would be so easy to waltz into such a world and not have it affect you.

You'd even briefly wished to be a part of the Zoldyck family. You let out another choked laugh. Brigbel furrowed his brows at your odd behavior. How had you thought you could be an  _assassin_  when you couldn't even bring yourself to kill this man?

You didn't want any of this. Not the bloodshed, the callousness. Not the feeling that something precious was about to be taken from you. Something that, once gone, you'd never get back.

You just wanted to live in the world you'd admired for years. To be around the characters you'd come to love so much. Was…that really such a bad thing? Was it really something worth punishing you for?

You didn't want to die. Not anymore, at least. You wanted to leave the tower and see everyone else again.

( _The image of Leorio's hand over yours came to mind._ )

You'd already been stupid enough to lose so much. Your friends, your family.

( _Kurapika's gentle smile_.)

You didn't want to lose what you had here too.

( _Even Hisoka as he pulled you from the ravine_.)

Your eyes snapped open, focusing on Brigbel. He raised his fist for the final blow. One thought overrode everything else in your mind.  **I don't want to die here**.

Your body went cold. It felt as if you'd been plunged in ice. Something wrapped around you tightly. This time, however, it felt welcoming. Darkness encroached around your vision, but not before you caught a glimpse of Brigbel's expression. It shifted to one of shock before it all went black.

This time, when you opened your eyes, you could see. Everything bathed in shades of black and white. You saw where the light touched and where the shadows lay in wait. They called out to you.  _Reserves._  The rest of your senses felt alert, almost to the point of oversensitivity. You heard every sound, felt every shift in the air and any scents that lingered in the air.

In the span of nanoseconds, you identified and organized each piece of information your brain absorbed. You calculated your chances of success and failure. You cycled through plans, finding the best possible solution. All before Brigbel could even finish blinking.

You phased through the ground in a pool of shadows. "What the hell?" Brigbel said as he scrambled to his feet. He whipped his head around, looking for you. You could see him through all the shadows in the room.

"Show yourself!" he bellowed. You noticed his voice trembled.

You rose from the ground and stood in front of him.

Only that one thought was in your mind.  **I want to live.** This meant  **Brigbel had to die**.

You crouched down low, not unlike an animal. Brigbel took a step back. He was  _afraid_. You could feel it coming from him in waves. Hear the quickened pace of his heart. The tension that settled in his muscles.

"What…what the  _hell_  are you?"

You leaped, tackling him to the ground in an instant. The shadows wrapped around his arms and pinned him down. His breathing became erratic. His eyes were wide as he stared at you. You lifted an arm, the hand shifting and sharpening into long claws.

"N-no, please! I lied! I never meant to kill you I was only—"

You slashed his throat. His words cut off with a gurgle. Blood spurt from his mouth and throat. His eyes unfocused. Dimmed. But your anger was nowhere near satisfied. You kept slashing with both hands. Right, left. Right, left. Over and over until his throat was nothing but ribbons of blood and skin.

The cold slowly moved away from your face. With it, your vision returned to normal. But you were still slicing.

 _Where was my mercy?_ you thought bitterly.  _Your compassion for_ my  _life?_

Your anger gave way to tears. They mixed with Brigbel's blood.  _Right, left. Right, left._  It splattered against your face. Against your clothes.

It wasn't fair. None of this was. You didn't want to kill. You had no choice. They wouldn't  _give_  you a choice. Laughter echoed in your mind again.

What kind of merciless gods had forsaken you to this fate?

"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?!" you screamed. To the figure, to the examiners, to Brigbel. To whatever deities had allowed this to happen.  _Right, left. Right, left._ "YOU WANTED ME TO KILL? THEN HERE IT IS! ARE YOU FUCKING SATISFIED NOW? I..I—"

Your arms went limp at your sides. The shadows had receded, leaving you and Brigbel's corpse in the dim torchlight.

"Why did you make me do this? I didn't want…t-to…" You trailed off with a whimper and lowered your head. The following silence was deafening.

Ahead, the door opened with a soft click.

* * *

"Applicant #200, Raven is the ninth to arrive! Time: 10 hours, 37 minutes!" A voice announced as you dragged yourself through the doorway.

The other applicants glanced over at you. One looked visibly disturbed. You knew you looked a mess. Bruised, tattered and covered in blood. You wondered what they thought, seeing you like this.

You stopped walking. Then you doubled over and vomited all over the floor.

Every painful heave of your stomach felt like it wanted to expel the memory of Brigbel from your very soul. You coughed and choked, spewing out nothing but bile and spit. You could still hear his pleading in your head. Still feel the terror he'd felt right before you killed him.

Even though Brigbel was a killer, the notion did nothing to dispel your guilt.

You wrapped your arms around yourself and dug your nails into your skin. You wanted to scrape off all the blood and shame of what you'd done. Was this your punishment for your sins? For being stupid enough to make a deal with the devil himself? To have the memory of a man's life haunt you until your last breath?

( _And God said to Cain, "What have you done? The voice of your brother's blood is crying to Me from the ground."_ )

You stumbled back, using the wall for support. These weren't just drawings on a page anymore. They were living, breathing human beings. With  _souls_. No different from the world you'd left behind. Killing them wasn't some fictional concept. There was no dramatic soundtrack. No special effects or a captive audience.

This was murder. And all it left you with was the crushing weight of your sin.

( _"Now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. You will be a vagrant and a wanderer on the earth."_ )

Some part of you would never leave that room. You'd replay the scene over and over in your head, always trying to find some way out. A way where Brigbel lived and his blood wasn't splattered all over you.

( _Cain said to the Lord, "My punishment is too great to bear!"_ )

You buried your face in your hands. And screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of ideas for the Trick Tower chapter, but ultimately felt this was the best course of action for the way the story is progressing. Plus, we finally get a better look at Raven's power which I totally didn't finish refining while writing this chapter...haha. I guess I write better under pressure. On a similar note, this chapter wasn't supposed to take so long, but since I'm going into this with no outline and only vague scenes as checkpoints, it's taking a little longer to write. Plus the canon divergence has me double checking facts a lot. So please forgive the delay and once again, thank you for all the reviews, faves, and follows. They keep me super motivated!


	5. The Unwelcome Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"The witching hour, […] when all the dark things came out from hiding and had the world all to themselves."― Roald Dahl, The BFG_

 

Your eyes focused on the wooden planks of the ship as it made its way to Zevil Island. Traced every groove and scratch over and over to keep your mind away from thoughts of the Trick Tower. You hugged your knees to your chest, ignoring the stifling heat and hard wood against your back. In your right hand, you gripped a card with the number 89. You were afraid to break your concentration. Otherwise, you'd start crying again.

Even though your legs had gone numb, you didn't move until you heard the wood creak beside you. You looked up to find Killua standing next to you.

"Yo."

"Hello."

He took a seat beside you and you went back to staring. Seconds ticked by with only the sound of waves and distant birds between the two of you. The gentle breeze felt good against your warm skin, now that you noticed.

Killua was the first to break the silence. "It gets easier." You turned your head towards him. "Killing."

You looked away and frowned.

"Once you stop thinking of them as 'people'. At least, that's what my brother said."

The image of Illumi's dark eyes made your skin crawl. They were like pools of darkness that seemed as infinite as the ocean and just as easy to get lost in if you lingered too long. You couldn't imagine what would make him say such callous things about people. Or what made him think it was something to teach a  _child_.

"You were right about me," you mumbled.

"About what?"

You smiled bitterly. "What you said to me in the first phase. I am fake. I don't belong here at all."

"Ah. About that…"

"I can't be like you guys. All the danger and the killing…what it takes to be a Hunter. I don't like any of it. I wish I could go home and forget about all of this, but I sacrificed so much just to  _be_ here that I couldn't turn back. I just…don't know if I can handle it anymore."

Killua didn't reply. He leaned back with his hands behind his head while your words hung in the air. You tried focusing on the wood again, but the memories kept floating up from the recesses you'd buried them.

_Brigbel. Hisoka. Hunters._

Unlike Gon, you didn't see it as an adventure. To you, this was a nightmare.

"Leorio's worried about you," Killua said, breaking you from your thoughts. "But I think he's scared to approach you."

You didn't blame him for that. Not after how you'd acted when they reached the bottom of the tower. And how you isolated yourself from them after. They'd called to you and the moment your eyes met, you broke down to tears. You couldn't help it. You felt so  _dirty_  with Brigbel's blood all over you.

"He's near the back with Kurapika if you want to see him," he added while pushing himself to his feet.

"The stern," you corrected. Killua stared at you. "That's what they call the back of the boat. My dad was a sailor, that's how I know."

"Really?" His flat tone let you know that he didn't believe you in the slightest.

You smiled. "Yeah." Your father had never even seen the sea. But you did like to read a lot in your past life. You figured it was okay to lie to him a little. Both of you had your secrets to keep.

"I guess we'll see each other after."

"Wait, who's your target?"

"Not #200," he replied with a smirk and walked off.

* * *

There was something liberating about running. With the wind pushing against your face and the sound of twigs snapping beneath your feet. Some part of you wanted to keep running. On and on until you left everything behind you. The island, the exam. But then you remembered your friends calling for you and you stopped.

_Hiding spot. That's what I'm looking for_ , you reminded yourself.

Before you could even think about finding your target, you needed to understand your powers better. Fortunately, some of the rocks on the island formed small cave structures for you to use.  _Perfect._ You found a rock shelter just small enough for you to squeeze in. You grabbed what vegetation you could to obscure the entrance from view and settled inside to meditate.

When you'd made your wish, you'd been too vague about your powers. All you knew was that it had something to do with darkness. The fight with Brigbel revealed more specifics about your Hatsu. Though, now that you thought about it, you wished you'd been more creative about what you'd chosen.

_I wonder how many other people came up with darkness-based powers._

You quickly shrugged off the thought. There was no changing that now. At least, not without making another deal and that had gone  _so splendidly_  the first time.

_Concentrate!_

You exhaled, forcing your thoughts back on track. The darkness seemed to act as an extension of you. Drawing from its power heightened all your abilities and your senses. You remembered being able to see Brigbel from every shadow in that room. That was the first thing you decided to test. You reached out to the shadows around you. Like before, you saw yourself from multiple angles. But the shadows closer to the mouth of the cave only rippled softly to your call. Your sight from them grew fainter the closer you got to the outside.

_Interesting. So my powers are better suited for the—_

**RRRRIBBIT**

You shrieked, your eyes flying open and darting around the cave. Your gaze finally settled down in front of you, where a frog had hopped inside. It blinked slowly and croaked again. Hand over your frenzied heart, you worked to get your breathing calm.

"Get out of here!" you hissed, waving the frog out of your cave.

With all your focus on your surveillance, you hadn't even noticed it come in.  _Hmm, that's a huge drawback_. Your senses were nowhere near the skill needed for you to still be aware of your immediate surroundings and use your power at the same time. The shrouded form was the only way to take care of that for now. Though the daylight would most likely diminish its power.

It seemed your chances for hunting would be better at night. At least, while you were still alone. Your thoughts went back to the group. You felt a pang of guilt over how you'd distanced yourself from them. But you weren't ready to face them yet.

_One day_.  _I'll give myself one day and then I'll go to them._

The thought made your stomach clench with worry. You were overthinking this too much. The group was fine with Killua and he was an assassin. You shouldn't be so anxious. But the thought of them seeing you differently was almost too much.

No, not all of them. Only one person's opinion really mattered anymore.

You sighed and shook the thought away.  _Just one day._

In the meantime, you worked on your basic Nen exercises before taking a short nap. At night, you'd test out your powers and gather supplies for yourself for the coming days. Then you'd see what the second day would bring.

* * *

Even in the dark, the range of your surveillance was only a couple of meters around you. You used Zetsu to mask your presence, hid your tag in your pocket, and carefully trekked through the forest. It was a strange feeling for you to be so comfortable around the dark in this world. You remembered how often you'd slept with some sort of light on in your previous life.

Funny how things changed.

You managed to procure some wild dandelions and some berries from one of the trees to fill your stomach, but no water. The stream on the island was your best bet for that and fish to sustain you for the week. You'd have to pay close attention to the wildlife in the day to find your way to it. Though there was always a higher chance of finding others there too.

The sound of a twig snapping made you halt. You quietly dashed behind a tree and stayed low. You reached out to the shadows and through them, you saw someone coming in your direction. No, not just someone, but multiple people.

_Oh, it's the Amori brothers._

A quick check revealed that none of them was your target. You were about to head in another direction but paused.  _That's three tags right there_ , you thought. Along with yours that would give you the necessary six points. If you wanted to attack, this would be the ideal time, when the shadows were plenty and your power at its peak.

Your fingers twitched in response. It was tempting, but you remembered that one of those brothers was Killua's target.  _He doesn't pass the exam anyway, right? Should I just…? No, I can't._ You'd barely gotten on good terms with Killua. At least, you thought so. Regardless, it was better if you weren't the cause of him failing.

Though you couldn't help wondering if such a thing would've put you on good terms with his brother. What would  _that_  be like?

When the trio was within range, you called out to them. "Hey!" They froze, eyes darting around the area. "Do any of you happen to have number 89's tag?

"We don't negotiate with cowards," the larger one, Umori replied. "Come out and face us."

You huffed loudly. A simple yes or no would've sufficed. "None of you are my target, so I'd rather not fight."

"Yeah, but you might be ours," Amori said. "So man up and fight us or we'll come to you."

_What a pain_ , you groaned internally. You stepped into the shadows and reemerged on the branch above. You let the shroud envelop you and stepped into the faint moonlight.

"But…I'm not a man," you said, crouching on all fours. The three whirled around to face you.

Umori nearly choked. "Wh-what  _is_ that?!"

Imori took a trembling step back. Out of the three, his breathing was the most erratic. "A monster...!"

"It's probably some kind of trick," Amori said, trying to keep his cocky smirk. "Who are you?"

The shadows peeled back from your face and you grinned at the boys.

"That's her!" Amori shouted while jabbing his finger at you. "That's #200!"

_Oh._  You must've been his target.  _How cumbersome._  Although the brothers weren't  _that_ strong, three against one were very troublesome odds. But they did have huge one weakness. You dropped down, sinking into the darkness covering the floor. The brothers were on high alert. Tensed and ready to jump at you when you emerged.

"S-something's not right. We should leave!" Imori pleaded.

"Stop being an idiot and—MMF!" Amori's words cut off as the shadows enveloped him tightly. You rose up behind him, your hand shifting into sharp claws as you placed it against his cheek.

"It was a trap, I knew it. I knew it," Imori started mumbling to himself. "I bet that stint in the tower was all an act."

"Will you shut up?!" Umori hissed and the younger brother clamped his mouth shut with a squeak. "What do you want from us? Our tags?"

"I already told you I wasn't interested," you replied.  _Men never listen, do they?_ "All I wanted to know is if you had 89's tag. Do you?"

Amori shook his head briskly, giving you a muffled denial. You shifted your gaze back to the other two.

"We don't," Umori confirmed.

"See? That wasn't so hard. Now we can go our separate ways, all right?" The three of them nodded their assent. You noticed Imori seemed the most relieved.  _Poor kid._  You were about to leave, but stopped and plucked Amori's tag off his shirt first. "I'll be taking this as compensation."

The shadows released him and he stumbled to his knees. He looked back at you. The muscles in his throat quivered, probably holding back some choice words. He looked torn between fighting and letting you go.

"You're welcome to come after me if you want this back," you goaded, pressing the tag against your smiling lips. "Though I can't guarantee I'll be as nice if you do."

The three looked at each other for a few tense seconds, before Amori finally sighed and shook his head.

"Good call." You let the shadows fall away from you, but kept them around your extremities for good measure. You jumped up to a nearby tree and looked back. "Oh and word of advice. You three should be more careful next time."

The brothers watched you anxiously.

"All the dangerous animals come out at night," you said with a smirk and leaped away.

* * *

After putting enough distance between the trio and yourself, you stopped at the base of one of the larger trees. The thick, twisting roots formed a nice cave enclosure for you to take shelter in. You settled inside and took a quick surveillance of the area around you. Seeing it was clear of any enemies, you allowed yourself to relax.

"Oh my god, I was so cool!" you squealed, pressing your hands against your warm cheeks. You couldn't stop fidgeting as you thought about your last encounter. You didn't even know where such a line had come from. You were just so caught up in the moment of victory. And the brothers had totally fallen for your bluff. They were probably afraid of you now.

_Good, they should be._  Fear like that would be your greatest asset against your opponents.

Now you had four points and it was only the first day. Even if you didn't find your target, obtaining the remaining two didn't seem like such a difficult task. You could've been done if you hadn't been concerned about Killua.

_Hmm, maybe I should've just taken them all, then given Killua's his later. But he probably wouldn't appreciate that._

It's not like he needed the help. The exam was a breeze for him, he'd said so himself. Maybe you should've wished to be raised a Zoldyck. Then you'd have all the skills of an assassin, along with the desensitization to violence.

"Ugh, I can't think about this now!" you reprimanded yourself. It wouldn't help you to keep dwelling on what could've been. You had to focus on moving forward and making the best of what you did have. Besides, you still had six days left on the island. You had to stay alert if you wanted to pass this exam.

You lay down and forced yourself to rest. At dawn, you'd continue your journey to the river and hopefully find your friends again.


	6. Equivalent Exchange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I am convinced that different people awaken different beasts in you." — Michelle K., Beasts._

You awoke at dawn, still bleary-eyed and yawning, to continue your search for the river. The blood on your shirt seemed to attract a swarm of pink butterflies. You swatted them away, but they kept returning to flutter against your skin. You took care to keep your Zetsu and watch for any other competitors along the way. Gittarackur nearly gave you a heart attack when you spotted him several meters away, heading in another direction. To your relief, he didn't seem to notice you at all. But you didn't dare move from your spot until at least five minutes had passed.

Heading downhill and following the native birds, you were able to find the river by the time the sun had fully risen over the horizon. You cupped the water to your lips, keeping an eye out for anyone that might approach. With your thirst satisfied, you peeled off your shirt and dunked it in to wash off all the crusted blood on it. The water around it turned a sickening shade of brown. Once the blood was mostly gone, you wrung it out and hung it on a branch to dry in the sun.

_There, hopefully that gets rid of these damn things_ , you thought while flailing your hands trying to ward the butterflies away.

You set off to gather wood for a fire, picking up leaves and branches you found on the ground. For the larger branches, you used Nen to break them down enough to carry back. You were grateful for all the survival training you'd done prior to the exam. Without it, you might not have stood a chance out here on your own.

Once the fire was ready, you stripped off your pants and tucked both tags in your sports bra. You wadded back into the river to fish when something tall caught your eye.  _Arrowheads!_ The river was full of the plants with their arrow-shaped leaves and white blossoms. You ducked underwater and pulled up tubers from the mud, carrying them back to the shore. They would taste great roasted over the open fire. You went back and managed to catch two trout hiding in an undercut bank using your hand as bait.

_This would've been so much easier with Gon's fishing rod._ The sun was well overhead by now and reflecting off the river waters. You fed the fire some more before starting on the messy part of the preparation. Gutting. You grimaced at the thought. The gnawing in your stomach was the only thing keeping you from abandoning the task and just settling for the roots.

_Leorio's knife would've helped too._

Crouching by the river, you broke off the gills and pulled out the slimy entrails, taking care to keep everything intact. When you were first learning to do this, you'd accidentally broken the gallbladder and it made the fish taste awful. But your master made you eat it anyway to teach you a lesson. With the fish gutted, you skewered them with a couple of sticks and cooked them over the fire along with the tubers.

You stretched your limbs out and yawned, debating on hiding somewhere and getting some more sleep. Weariness started to set in your body as you gazed at the crackling flames. If you set aside the thought of the deadly exam going on, this place felt rather peaceful.

A rustling overhead made you look up and freeze when you saw someone was there. You were on your feet instantly and away from the fire, positioned to either bolt or fight. You were at a disadvantage with no weapons and the sun bearing down. But you were ready to do whatever it took to survive.  _Nails, teeth…I'll use the damn burning logs if I have to!_

"Whoa, settle down," Hanzo said, leaping down from the tree. He raised his palms up to you, keeping his distance. "I'm not here for your tag if that's what you think."

"What else would you be here for?" you asked. He'd snuck up on you too easily. Even though it was probably due to him being a ninja, it still worried you.

"I was wondering…" Hanzo's gaze shifted to the fire, then back to you. "…if you'd spare one of those for me?"

You narrowed your eyes at him. "I thought you didn't take food from others."

"I don't take  _offered_ food, especially from Tonpa," he clarified. Hanzo reached into his pocket and pulled out his tags. "See? I already have all the tags I need." He had four of them in total, including his. And 89's.

"Wait!" you urged as he was about to put them away. "89 was my target. I can trade you for it."

Hanzo lifted a hand. "No thank you. A tag is much more valuable than a fish."

"I  _meant_  another tag. I have an extra one." You reached into your bra and pulled out Amori's tag.

"That was my target," Hanzo said, his brows furrowing. "Where did you get it?"

"Took it off him last night after they wanted to fight me," you replied, tossing it into the air and snatching it back. You walked over to the fire and grabbed both fish, offering one to Hanzo. "So, trade?"

* * *

You and Hanzo sat by the campfire, feasting on fish and arrowhead roots while exchanging tags. The butterflies had since cleared away, to your relief. Hanzo had launched into an explanation of how he had followed the Amori brothers after they'd ambushed 362 and 89 for their tags, waiting for the perfect chance to take it. He'd never guessed that Amori had lost his own tag. At first, he'd thought Killua had essentially done all the work for him until he realized it was the wrong one.

"Lucky for me they had those two with them," Hanzo said after swallowing a mouthful of fish. "Otherwise I might've been your enemy."

"I wouldn't have gone down without a fight," you replied, leveling your gaze to him. You didn't tell him you'd already been planning for that when he'd first arrived. He'd probably already guessed it though. "How'd you find me anyway?"

"The fire," he said, gesturing towards it. "I just happened to be nearby when I saw the smoke. All I've eaten so far were plants and fruits from the trees, so my mouth watered as soon as I saw the fish."

"…were you watching me fish too?"

"Yeah."

You squinted at him. "And you didn't think to help me gut these things?"

Hanzo laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head. "Well, you see…"

"Hmm. Well, I guess I can thank you for not attacking me or anything," you sighed. "So, what are you gonna do with the other tags?"

"I'll probably keep them. You'll never know when they'll come in handy."

"True."

The two of you finished off the rest of the food while he blabbed about his life and aspirations to be a Hunter. Afterward, you extinguished the fire and slipped your pants back on as you prepared to part ways. By the sun's position, you guessed it was already well into the afternoon, which made you feel more at ease. You asked Hanzo if he'd seen the others and he pointed you in the general direction he'd last seen them a day ago.

"Before you go, here," Hanzo said, holding out 362's tag. You looked down at it warily. "Consider it a thank you for the food. There are still many enemies on this island and you may need it to bargain for your life."

You nodded and took the tag from him, shoving it in your pocket. "Thank you. And good luck, Hanzo."

He gave you a two-fingered salute. "Same to you."

* * *

Turning your shirt into a makeshift carrying pouch, you gathered whatever edible plant life you found along your way. With your six points secured, it left you with nothing much to do on the island. If you didn't find your friends, you'd find another secluded area to hide for the rest of the week. That way no one would catch you by surprise and steal your tag.

_Knowing that_ thing _, that's probably what's going to happen_ , you thought with a scowl.

At least it wasn't long before nightfall.

The sounds of buzzing insects and animals rustling through the foliage surrounded you as you walked. You swatted away flies that tried to settle on your bare skin. As the sun descended further down the sky, you called out to the shadows, feeling them respond easier. You wondered how your power would work if you trained to get stronger.

_I should really come up with a name for it. But what?_   _Something to do with darkness?_ You thought about possible names for your Hatsu as you climbed over a fallen tree trunk.  _Maybe I should just let it come to me, like in those magical girl shows._

With your thoughts preoccupied, it took you too long to notice the two people emerging from the direction you were heading.

"Raven!"

You froze midstep as you stared at Leorio with Kurapika right behind him. You'd given yourself just one day to face them again. You thought you were ready.

_This was a huge mistake._

You immediately turned on your heel and began to walk away quickly.

"Hold it!" Leorio grabbed and held you back by the band of your bra. You would've been offended if he'd given you a chance to be. But he spun you around and the look of concern on his face took you by surprise. "Where the hell have you been? Are you okay? Did someone hurt you? What happened to your shirt?"

The questions tumbled out so fast that all you could do was blink at him while your mind caught up. You opened your mouth to reply, but your lip quivered and tears slid down your cheeks before you could. All the emotions and memories from the tower crashed through all the walls you'd put up around them. You clamped your hands over your mouth and wept.

"I'm so sorry," you said between hiccupping sobs. No matter how much you wiped away the tears, more took their place. "I didn't want to do it, I swear. I just didn't know what to do and I didn't want to die there and not see you or Kurapika or Gon or...or…K—"

"Calm down," Leorio urged, pulling you into his arms and rubbing a hand against your back. "Take deep breaths, okay?"

You wrapped your arms around him, unable to stop yourself from crying. You weren't sure if you even wanted to. For once since you left the tower, you felt safe. Comfortable. Warm. The strong scent of his cologne was gone, replaced by the earthier fragrance of the island and sweat mingling together. Somehow, it still felt like home.

But the same feelings from before came rushing back.

_Dirty. Sinful. Unworthy._

You didn't deserve Leorio's kindness or his concern. You didn't even deserve to be in his presence. Leorio was good. Too good. And here you stood in front of him, some creature made of darkness and secrets still begging the universe for the privilege of staying with him.

"Oh  _god_ , I can't even look at you," you choked out.

"Raven, listen to me," he murmured against your hair. "I want you to tell me what happened at the tower."

You drew in a shuddering breath. Your stomach lurched and you swallowed back nausea that accompanied the memory.  _I can't tell him. What if he hates me? What if he thinks I'm a monster? I can'tIcan'tIcan't—_

"I killed a man," you mumbled against him, voice breaking with misery. You needed to tell him before you lost your nerve and stayed silent. "One of the prisoners there, he…challenged me to a death match. I didn't want to do it, but he wouldn't  _stop_  and I kept trying to find a way out, but then he grabbed me and he said he would kill me and…and—" Your words cut off as you gasped for air.

" _Breathe_."

You focused on steadying your breathing enough to continue.  _Inhale, exhale_. "I didn't stop. Even after he told me he lied, I still killed him. I w-was just so  _angry_. I…I didn't want to die, so I killed a man in exchange for my own life. How selfish am I?"

He let out a soft chuckle that rumbled through his chest. "Is that all?"

You jerked back and glared. You'd finally poured your heart out and all he could do was laugh? " _'Is that all'_?" you echoed back in disbelief.

"No, wait. I didn't mean it like that." He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Why am I so bad at this?"

From behind, Kurapika cleared his throat to get your attention. "I think what he was  _trying_ to say was that you shouldn't stress too much over it. The Hunter's Exam is designed to push its applicants to their extremes and see if they're able to handle what it takes to be a Hunter."

"Yeah, what he said," Leorio said, waving towards Kurapika.

"But if you can't move past this, then you aren't qualified to be one," he stated. Leorio started protesting, but Kurapika ignored him. "The first Hunter Bylaw states that a Hunter must hunt something and by taking this exam, you've agreed to live such a life. You'll have enemies no matter what field you choose, enemies like Hisoka. You'll most likely have to kill again."

You inhaled sharply. Kurapika was right. If you couldn't even handle this exam, what made you think you could handle the life that comes next?  _Spiders, Ants, the Dark Continent_. If you couldn't even move past Brigbel, then what hope did you have for everything else?

"Why are you always like this?" Leorio demanded over his shoulder to Kurapika.

"I'm only being honest. This is something she needs to think about, for the sake of her own well-being."

"At least be less blunt about it!"

Kurapika turned his gaze towards you. "Why did you want to become a Hunter?"

You balked at the question. Coming to this world made you realize something very important. You didn't want to be a Hunter. But you didn't want to go back to your old life either. The only thing keeping you from quitting now was…

Leorio knelt down and turned your face so that your focus was on him. "Hey, look at me. You don't have to tell us anything, okay? If you want to keep doing this, then fine. But if you want to quit, then I'll do everything I can to help you get out of here safely."

"You…would?"

"I promise."

You couldn't believe it. All that time you spent worrying and berating yourself over what you'd done was for nothing. Leorio didn't think any less of you for it.

In that moment, you finally understood what Killua had said about Gon.

(" _You are the light._ ")

Out of everyone, Leorio was the one who bothered to reach out to you when you were at your lowest. And he wasn't asking for anything in return. No favors, no future fights, nothing.

And that's when you knew.

(" _Can I still stay by your side?_ ")

You'd do anything for this man kneeling down in front of you.

( _For him, I would…_ )

"Leorio, it's not—"

"Shut up, will ya? I'll take responsibility if anything happens, all right?"

Kurapika only frowned and turned away.

You rubbed whatever tears were left from your eyes. "No, I'll be fine. I don't really know what I'm gonna be after all this, but…" You took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "All I know is that I have a reason to keep going now."

"Good," Leorio said. Then he reached into his briefcase and pulled out one of his spare button-down shirts. "Now will you  _please_ wear something decent?"

* * *

The three of you walked through the forest while you traded stories about what had happened to all of you in the past day. You ended up tying the shirt Leorio had given you around your waist just to be cheeky. He didn't say anything, but you could tell he seemed a little peeved.

They told you about Tonpa and his little scheme and in turn, you told them all about the Amori brothers and Hanzo. The two of them were surprised that you already had your six points, plus an extra tag.

"With Sommy's tag, that gives us two," Kurapika said, turning to Leorio. "Even if we can't find your target, all you'd need is one more point."

"Yeah, but we still have five more days left. That's plenty of time for things to change."

The sun had already set, dimming the orange sky into an ink-black that stretched the shadows all over the island. The stars shimmered through the occasional gaps in the trees and you caught a fleeting glimpse of the half-moon. You called to the shadows for surveillance, remembering how Hanzo had caught you by surprise that afternoon. You checked to make sure you were all in the—

"Ow!" Your forehead smacked against the low hanging branch of a younger tree. You blinked back to your normal vision, rubbing the sore spot.

"You okay?" Leorio asked.

"I'm fine. I guess I wasn't paying attention," you replied.

_I'm really gonna have to work on that_.

"Do you want to stop and rest for a bit?"

You shook your head. "No, let's keep going. We have better cover now, so we should make the best of it." The night was your territory and this was when you'd be a greater asset to the two, especially in battle.

_Maybe we should try to find Hanzo instead and ask him for his extra tag…_

You felt the aura seconds before you laid eyes on him, just standing in the small clearing. The three of you stopped dead in your tracks.

"Hello~" Hisoka's voice sent shivers up your spine. His amber eyes widened just barely as he looked at you. "Oh, Rey-chan, what happened to your shirt~?"

You wished you'd listened to Leorio and just put on the damn thing. The way he was staring at you made you severely uncomfortable. You remembered how he'd ogled Gon and Killua, so he probably wasn't above ogling you too. Not that your sports bra was particularly sexy, no, but you ' _had potential_ ' and that was probably enough for him.

_Wait…'Rey-chan'?_

"What do you want, Hisoka?" Kurapika asked.

Hisoka's gaze slid over to the blond. He hummed for a bit as if thinking it over. "I'm in need of two points, it seems, so please hand over your tags. I'll let you decide which two~"

You didn't remember who Hisoka's target was, but you knew it wasn't any of you three.  _Tonpa for Kurapika, Ponzu for Leorio and 89 for me._

(" _You may need it to bargain for your life._ ")

Hanzo's gift to you had been a blessing.

"Hisoka," you said, catching his attention. You pulled out 362's tag and held it up, number side facing him. "You can't have our tags, but we have two extras. Will you accept these?"

"And make a deal with the devil~?" he drawled. "That never ends well."

"I wasn't asking," you said firmly. "I'll say this now, you aren't taking our tags."

His eyes seemed to bore holes in you. Your heartbeat hammered against your chest as you awaited his answer. You forced yourself to keep your expression from betraying your tension. Finally, Hisoka lifted one pale arm and covered his face with his hand, muffling his low laughter. He titled his head back as he drew out the last chuckle into a low, pained groan.

" _Rey-chan_ ~," he said, peering at you through his fingers. "I can barely control myself when you look at me like that~"

_Looking at him how?_   _God, why didn't I just keep my mouth shut?_

You could feel the aura around him shifting, just barely reigned in. It was even worse than it had been in the swamp. This time, you felt the needles even  _inside_ you _._  Through your eyes, your brain, even your very soul. It made the hairs on your body rise and your muscles tense in anticipation.

"You've improved since the third stage~" Hisoka continued, lowering his hand so that his fingers brushed against his curved lips. "You've grown bolder, too, taking on those boys~"

_How did he…?_  "Have you been watching me?"

"Hmm, not at first. But after my partner told me about your fight, I just had to see it for myself~"

_Gittarackur! When?_  You hadn't felt any other presence with you and the Amori brothers. And you didn't see anything during your surveillance either. Unless he'd been out of your range.  _Dammit!_

"I almost slipped and revealed myself when you confronted that ninja. That look of determination in your eyes was too much~" he groaned, tongue snaking around his lips.

You shuddered. Not even Hanzo had noticed him, then. But you still couldn't understand how or when—

_The butterflies!_   _How could I have been so stupid?_

"I was disappointed that I didn't get to see your power~" His lips curled up into an even wider smirk. "But maybe I'll get to see it firsthand now~"

Leorio yanked you behind him, causing you to drop the tag on the ground. He'd brandished his knife towards Hisoka and you noticed that Kurapika had pulled out his swords as well.

"Oh~?" His gaze darted between the three of you.

"We'll give you our two extra tags. That's our only offer," Kurapika said. "If you want to get them by force, then you'll have to fight us."

_No, nononono_ , you thought frantically. Your hands trembled as you gripped Leorio's arm.  _This wasn't supposed to happen like this. He was supposed to accept the tags and let us go. Just take them!_

"Who should I choose~?" the magician asked, tapping his chin. "The swordsman? The devil~?" His eyes briefly looked you over, then to Leorio. They narrowed. The corners of his lips twitched. "Or perhaps the doctor~?"

You knew that look. It was the same one he'd given you before he'd attacked you in the swamp. You dashed in front of Leorio without hesitation and glared at Hisoka. "Don't you fucking  _dare_ ," you warned, practically snarling the words.

You didn't know you'd accidentally let out a wave of malicious aura until you heard Kurapika shout your name in warning. All it took was one second for Hisoka to notice and unleash his own killing intent. It washed over you like a tidal wave, almost suffocating you. His expression twisted into something dark and unrecognizable.

"Leorio, get Kurapika and leave,  _now_!"

( _For him I…_ )

It was bloodlust.

"Are you insane?! We're not leaving you here!"

( _I would…_ )

The shadows shifted closer.

"JUST LEAVE!"

(" _I'll kill you too._ ")

_Devil's Bargain!_  The shadows rushed over you as Hisoka charged, letting out an inhuman shriek. He swung his arm out, card in hand. You blocked it with tremendous effort. Every muscle quivered as he pushed against you. You knew your odds against him weren't good. He wasn't as weak as Brigbel or the Amori brothers. But if all you could do was buy some time for Leorio to escape then you didn't care what happened to you.

The kick to your side was so fast, you didn't notice it coming. You gasped, easily tossed aside by the sheer force. You struck the ground and quickly rolled back to your feet. Hisoka dashed to you again, his aura an oppressive black against your monochrome vision. You sunk into the shadows and he halted. Reappearing behind him, you swung your fist at his head. Hisoka easily moved aside, your fist just barely missing. His arm jerked back. You barely dodged an elbow to the face.

You dropped down and warped in front of him, throwing a barrage of punches. Hisoka dodged each one and whirled around for a kick. Before you fell, he seized your ankle and flung you away. You slammed against a tree, pain exploding against your back. Warmth seeped through several spots on your body. You dropped to the ground, coughing and gasping.

Hisoka lunged for you again, fist raised. It was too late to move. You didn't have the strength.

You raised your arms to block. The force slammed your head back against the tree. For a second, your vision went dark. When it cleared, you saw in color again. Hisoka had you by the throat while he knelt over you.

"This just won't do, Rey-chan~" he said, digging his nails into your flesh. You gasped at the sudden pressure. "We're right back where we started. You just aren't strong enough yet~"

No, you weren't. You couldn't even hold him back for very long. You looked over to Leorio and Kurapika.  _Why haven't they_ left _?!_

"I wouldn't get any closer, if I were you~" Hisoka warned, glancing over his shoulder at the approaching two. "I wouldn't want to spoil unripe fruit~"

"If you want to fight, then fight us and leave her alone," Leorio snapped.

"But Rey-chan is more fun~" Hisoka replied, turning back to you and smiling. "I knew I picked right when I saved you back then~"

Your arms hurt from the impact. You could barely move them. The shadows were slipping from you as you struggled to remain conscious. "Wh-why didn't you just…take the…tags?" you rasped out. "You d-didn't need…ours."

"Your eyes, Rey-chan~" he replied, his thumb brushing painfully against the notch in your throat. "And when your aura leaked out, I couldn't help myself. You were ready to kill me, weren't you~?"

"…yes."

That wicked glint in his eyes only intensified. He pressed down further. "Even after what happened in the tower~? You seemed so broken then~"

"Yes…for him," you breathed, looking Hisoka in the eyes. As soon as you spoke those words, you knew that it was your absolute truth. The memory of Leorio's hand pulling you to safety had become something so inviolate in your mind. In this world's strange give and take, you'd acquired something valuable. And no one was going to take it from you without a fight. "For him, I'd stain my soul with the blood of a thousand men."

_Anything. I'd do anything. Death, another deal…_

You hissed when Hisoka's thumbnail pierced your skin. He leaned in closer, eyes almost gleaming in the moonlight. "I wonder…which one should I kill~?"

Your fingers twitched.  _I don't care what it takes. How many deals I have to make…how much pain I have to endure._

"Should I kill you and make them my enemy~?"

_I don't care what I have to sacrifice._

"Or kill Kurapika and have you two as my enemy~?"

_I'll never give that up. So please, take what you want from me. Hurt me as much as you want. Just give me the power to protect him._

"Or maybe~" He lowered his face to yours so that his lips brushed against your cheeks. Your breath caught in your throat. "I should kill the doctor and have you hate me~?"

The shadows coiled around you and turned your vision colorless again. Your arms, your back, your side, everything hurt. But you didn't care. The only thought in your mind was that you had to eliminate the threat before you. The same anger that flared up inside you at the tower returned full force.

You seized Hisoka by his shirt and let yourself sink into the shadows, pulling him with you. His expression faltered to one of surprise. You held onto him until the two of you glided completely into the dark. You put one foot against his chest and thrust. Hisoka flew back, bursting out of the shadows and crashing onto the field. You stepped out after him, crouched on the branch you'd warped to. Hisoka stood, no worse for wear, and grinned wickedly. His aura flared up, just as strong. Your blood pounded against your ears at the sight.

You dove back into the dark. Sprung up next to him and swung. Your fist connected with his face, jerking his head aside. You dove back down. Ascended for a kick from behind. Over and over, you dove and emerged in a frenzy, kicking and punching. Up, down, left, right, back. You wanted to see him dead. Bleeding _._   _Eviscerated_.

Another punch to his left and suddenly he twisted forward inhumanly fast. His fist slammed into your throat. A strangled gasp escaped your lips as you fell to the ground. You heard Leorio call for you. Through your diminishing vision, you saw Hisoka above you.

"Get stronger, Rey-chan. I'll be looking forward to it~" Then he kicked you and your world turned dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this chapter uploaded days ago, but It took me a while to write out since I had to change/edit a couple of things and scenes and I had to use a detailed timeline someone made for the series as reference. Plus, I've had a really rough couple of days and ended up sleeping more. But here it is! I had a LOT of fun writing this. What did you guys think of the Hatsu's name? I hadn't planned on revealing it until later, but then things just clicked. Raven's last attack also has a name, but it won't come up until later.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! Did you love it? Hate it? Want to smash the author's face in for writing it? Please don't smash the author's face in. It's not pretty, but it's the only one she has.


	7. The Gods Weren't Watching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"If I cannot move heaven, I will raise hell."― Virgil, The Aeneid_

 

The evening rains had left the streets glossy underneath the streetlights and blurred the light reflecting off the pavement. Your steps splashed against the sidewalk and every breath carried the scent of damp earth. There was something soothing about this hour when the world seemed empty and quiet. Your walks had become something of a ritual over the years. Whenever the noise became too much and the walls of your room pressed too close, you'd escape into the sanctuary of the night.

But even though you liked your evening strolls, you still remained under the street lamps and avoided wandering too close to the places the light didn't reach. Something about that complete darkness made you feel uneasy. As if, there was something beyond those shadows that could snatch up and never bring you back.

The distant rumble of another oncoming storm made you flinch. You sighed deeply, wishing you'd paused to grab an umbrella on your way out.

 _I guess I should be heading back._  You glanced at your phone and almost choked when you saw that it was already 3 am.

"Oh god, I'm going to hate myself in the morning," you grumbled. Fortunately, you weren't too far from home. If you hurried, you could be there in fifteen minutes.

You turned around, trying to stuff the device back in your pocket when you noticed someone in front of you. You gasped and dropped your phone with a loud clatter that echoed down the empty street.

You had the vague idea that you should turn and run, but the notion vanished as soon as you laid eyes upon the figure. Like a whisper of your name lost amongst the din of a crowd that left you with an echo of uncertainty. With your heartbeat pounding in your ears, you watched the shadowed figure approach.

A hand reached out.

* * *

The only constant your body knew was pain. Every joint, every muscle, every nerve felt like it wanted to tear itself from your very bones. Your head felt weightless and disoriented as you tried to make sense of where you were. The strangled groan that escaped your lips made the fire in your throat reignite.

"Shhh, it's okay, I'm here," you heard a voice urging from somewhere far away. "Don't try to speak, okay?"

You were aware of warmth and someone coaxing something into your mouth, chasing it down with cold water. It hurt and nearly made you choke, but the person kept murmuring reassurances to you the whole time while patting your back.

"There, now sleep. You'll feel better soon," the voice said.

And with the warmth still surrounding you, you drifted off again.

* * *

 The flames rose so high, they seemed to caress the very heavens. The wood underneath popped and cracked from the heat, spitting out the occasional spark your way. The sweltering heat pushed its way into your nose, your mouth, making it hard to breathe. In front of the bonfire stood the same figure from before, illuminated by the orange glow of the flames.

It was like looking at several images overlaid one against the other. A vaguely human shape that was stretched much too thin. A large, horned beast with hooved feet standing upright. Some dark entity with too many eyes that all seemed to center on you. A massive creature bigger than the entire planet, with a shape no human could understand and that made you feel like you were less than the dust on its metaphorical feet and that nothing in life mattered because human life was just an ember floating up into the sky to be forever lost among the darkness from which it came—

As soon as the hand touched your head, the feeling stopped and different images flooded into your head like a breaking dam. A world full of strange beasts, marvelous treasures, and unexplored lands. People with powers beyond what any human could ever hope to have in this present. The world you'd come to love through the pages of a book, now a tangible reality if only you wanted it. All of it— the joker, the assassin, the man with the cross, power,  _purpose_  —for the price of your dull and insignificant life on this earth.

You answered without hesitation. "Yes."

When you looked up, the figure was gone and people surrounded you as they danced in front of the fire. Their shapes twisted and moved in a frenzy, voices chanting in some unknown language lost to the ages. They seemed to be at once both welcoming and driving something away. You blinked and suddenly found Hisoka sitting across from you, expertly shuffling a deck of cards in his pale hands. The flames danced in the reflection of his eyes, making them glow like twin embers.

"Pick one, Rey-chan~" he said, fanning the cards out towards you face down.

You reached out slowly, plucked a single card, and turned it over.

It was the ace of spades.

* * *

A girl of mysteries and power, that's what you'd wanted to be. A girl who was something much more than just another pawn in life's game. You wanted to be special.

You wanted to be different.

Your prayers were answered.

* * *

"Here, take these," Leorio said, pushing two small tablets into your hand and a thermos in the other.

You nodded and replied with a hoarse, "Thanks."

Swallowing was painful and you couldn't speak more than a few words before your voice gave out. Fortunately, that seemed to be the worst of your damage. Your muscles still ached and you had trouble holding yourself upright, but Leorio assured you that it would pass soon. Your throat, however, would take longer to fully heal.

It'd already been three days since that fight and Leorio stayed next to you the entire time to tend to you while you were still unconscious. He'd laid you under one of the massive trees, nestled between the large roots protruding from the ground. Kurapika had volunteered to go look for Ponzu on his own. You asked Leorio about the extra two tags and he confirmed that Hisoka had taken them and nothing more. Your tags and his were safely tucked away inside his briefcase.

"You should've gone too," you said, leaning back against the tree. Its size brought back the unsettling feelings of your previous dream, so you kept your eyes on the grass instead, twisting it between your fingers. "Faster that way."

"Did you really think I would leave you all alone in your condition?" Leorio asked, as if that had never been an option at all. Though with him, it most likely wasn't.

You gave one quiet chuckle. "Suppose not."

The sun was already low on the horizon, casting long shadows along the ground and summoning nocturnal insects that buzzed and chirped all around you. You closed your eyes and tested how well you could use your powers in your condition. To your surprise, shadows responded without hesitation, twisting and rushing to your call. In fact, they seemed to oblige faster.  _Hmm, I wonder if_ —

"Raven!"

Your eyes fluttered open and you turned to him. "What?"

"Your body…" His expression was a mixture of uncertainty and alarm as he looked at you.

You looked down, seeing that the shadows had wrapped around your legs and hands, easing their way up. It was the first time you'd really looked at yourself in this form. The darkness looked like a second skin made of the darkest void, with wisps rising like dark smoke. "Oh. Sorry."

"Is that what you used against Hisoka?" he asked, still looking worried.

"Yeah."

"You knew what it was back then, didn't you?"

You lowered your hands, letting the shadows cling where they were. You thought back to your conversation before the second phase of the exam. Back then, you hadn't expected to use your Hatsu again. Or rather, for anyone else to see it. "Sorry for lying."

"Are you finally going to tell me the truth?"

"I can't," you replied. "Or, I shouldn't. This power, it's a secret. And I don't…I just—" Your voice gave out and you winced at the pain in your throat. Leorio reached out and patted your back while prompting you to take another drink. The water helped soothe the pain a bit. "I can't. Please?"

Leorio sighed in frustration and lowered his head. You wondered if he was upset with you and the thought made your heart ache. You didn't  _want_  to keep secrets from him, but you had to. It wasn't like you could just tell him you were from another world where this one was fictional and that you'd wished yourself here. That would just lead to even more questions and not to mention what it could do to him psychologically.

It weighed heavy on your heart that the one person you cared about more than anything was the one you couldn't bring yourself to be honest with. But it was a small price to pay for keeping him safe. Even all the damage Hisoka had caused you was insignificant compared to that.

Leorio was here, he was alive, and that's all that mattered to you.

You hoped that was enough.

"Trust me?"

He glanced over at your for a second, then looked away. "Fine, I won't ask."

You closed your eyes again and surveyed the area around you through the shadows.  _What would he think if he knew who I really was? What I did to get here?_  Gon might be curious. Killua would feel vindicated about his earlier assessment of you. Kurapika, he probably wouldn't trust you any more than he already did and that already wasn't much. If you told them, would they even still allow you to be with them?

Or worse, how would it affect the already changing course of events?

It felt like the entire situation was slipping out of your hands. You'd come in so confident that things would go your way until you stepped foot into this world and it showed you how wrong you were. You weren't special, not really. Not in this world full of gods that were much stronger than you and more than willing to spill your blood without a second thought. The boy whose heart you'd wanted to capture ended up mistrusting you as soon as he'd seen you.

The person who'd captured yours was the one you weren't made for.

"Kurapika's back," you announced and let the shadows fall away from you. Moments later, the blonde emerged from beyond the trees, beads of sweat running down his face.

Leorio perked up immediately. "Any luck?"

"No, and I didn't come across anyone else either," Kurapika replied.

Leorio frowned. "Damn. There's only one more day left." He was silent for a moment, before snapping his fingers. "What about checking the starting point?"

"I doubt it. There's no finishing this phase early with the possibility of having your tags stolen."

"Ah, right. But I still think it's worth a try. The ones who've finished might be around to see how things are going. Maybe Ponzu's with them."

Kurapika nodded. "I'll go take a look, then."

" _We'll_  go," you corrected, grabbing onto the tree to ease yourself up. Your knees nearly buckled under the sudden strain of your weight, but Leorio was on his feet in an instant and holding onto your arms to steady you.

" _You're_  staying here," he ordered. "You're in no condition to be moving yet."

You shook your head, waving away his concerns. "No, m'fine. Only one day left."

"Raven…" he began, in a tone that made him sound like a parent.

"When you become a doctor, then I'll listen," you said and frowned when your voice cracked midway.

The two of you stared at each other for one long minute, before he reached out and pinched your nose. "Tch, fine. But you aren't walking."

You were about to ask what he meant when he knelt down with his back to you.  _He…can't be serious._  "No way."

"It's either this or you're staying," he said, giving you a look over his shoulder that dared you to say no.

You crossed your arms and scowled at him, feeling your cheeks warm. He'd been more insistent ever since you'd woken up, though you knew he only did it out of concern.  _God, this is so embarrassing._ So, for the sake of not wasting any more time arguing, you let your pride take a backseat and let him carry you on his back.

* * *

That afternoon, before your departure to the starting point, you'd had a dream.

You sat in some kind of dark void that stretched out infinitely, like a universe with no stars. In front of you was a smooth, glass chess board with the pieces all arranged mid game. The overlapping  _tick, tick, tick_  of numerous clocks echoed all around you as you moved your black pawn. In your heart, you knew that a pawn should never be overlooked in the game. And you knew that if pushed far enough, it could become something valuable.

You couldn't see your opponent, but you could feel its presence. Some part of you was thankful for that. You didn't think you could handle seeing those images again. The weight of its words pressed down on you and you finally understood it now that blood baptized your hands.

It was the weight of the very first sin and every one that came after it.

It was the weight of a burden not yet repaid.

Your opponent made their move.

_Are you willing to sacrifice your knight?_

Those words brought your gaze to the piece, decorated with the head of a lion instead of the usual horse. Although the piece was the same color as all yours, it had a translucent quality to it that made it look brighter than your pawn.

You knew that a knight was stronger when protected by a pawn.

And you knew that a knight was more valuable with a queen on the board.

"Never," you replied, your voice ringing loud and clear in the empty space. You set down your knight with a resolute  _CLACK._

* * *

You knew something was wrong the moment the three of you arrived near the starting point. You could feel it in the pit of your stomach. You'd thought it might be an enemy nearby, but a quick check showed that it wasn't. In fact, you didn't see  _anyone,_ in the immediate area. As soon as Leorio set you down, you stumbled over to the designated tree. Once you confirmed that it was empty, you went around to the others, finding them empty as well.

"Raven, what are you doing?" Leorio asked.

 _Gon…where's Gon?_ you thought, ignoring him as your search became more frantic.

"Yo!" You whirled around to find Killua leaping down from one of the trees. Gon followed right after, waving at the three of you. But you were certain no one was there the first time you checked. Did they come from somewhere else?

_Wait…_

"Killua? What the hell are you doing here?" you demanded, voice breaking. He wasn't supposed to show up again until the end of the phase. It was only supposed to be Gon.  _What's going on?_

He glared at you. "What, not happy to see me or something? And what's wrong with your voice?"

"Killua helped me get my tag back," Gon explained. "We came over to see how things were going."

"And looking for Hisoka," Killua added, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"What happened?" Kurapika asked the two.

Gon nodded sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "I followed Hisoka to get his tag, but then he found you guys and I couldn't. After you left, I tried to go after him again, but then someone attacked me from behind. If Killua hadn't been nearby, I think I would've lost my tag for good."

"Of course you would've," Killua interrupted. "The poison that guy used was supposed to immobilize you for ten days. Even though it didn't affect you that long, it would've given him enough time to run away from you."

Gon only laughed nervously and thanked him again.

 _No, no, things aren't supposed to happen that way._ The situation wasn't  _slipping_  out of your hands. Slipped. Past tense. It already happened and now Gon didn't have Hisoka's tag and who knows where on the island that man is now because there'd been no need to know.

_What…what have I done?_

"Gon." The boy turned his head to you and your eyes immediately focused on his unmarred cheek. "You were trying to take Hisoka's tag while he was hunting, right?"

"Yeah, how did—"

"Then why didn't you take it when I fought him?" you asked, straining to keep your voice from giving out. It didn't matter that the effort was making your injured throat hurt more. You needed to know. "That's what you were waiting for, right?"

"I wanted to," Gon began, his expression shifting to one of unease, "but…when I felt your bloodlust, you surprised me and I missed my chance."

You stared at him blankly, processing his words in your mind. You were the reason Gon didn't have the tag. Hisoka wasn't supposed to confront you that day. If you hadn't opened your stupid mouth, he probably would've let you go. You ended up being a distraction to both.

You should've known something was up the minute you exchanged tags with Hanzo. Or when you realized you had  _just_  the right number of tags Hisoka needed. This world had given you an easy victory because it had taken it from someone else. From Gon, the fucking  _protagonist._

Because you were an anomaly.

A splinter that needed to be removed.

And it was showing you that whatever you acquired, it would take something as payment for your fantasy.

You couldn't stop the bitter laughter that escaped your lips. The others looked at you strangely, as you held onto your stomach while doubled over. You could hear how ugly your voice sounded, all scratchy and almost wheezing as it faded in and out. It only made you laugh harder. "Ahahaha! That fucking asshole. Is that move supposed to scare me?"

"Has she always been this crazy?" Killua asked, looking between you and the others.

"Raven…are you okay?" Gon asked softly, reaching out to you.

You wiped away a stray tear and clamped your hands over Gon's shoulders, looking into his brown eyes. They were wide and bright, with a child's naivety still within them. Not like your eyes that always looked like they'd known too much. Eyes that didn't fit the body you were given.

"Gon, this is all my fault, I'm sorry. But I promise you, I'll get you Hisoka's tag."

Because if this world and that  _thing_  thought they could make your life a living hell without you fighting back, they were wrong. You were going to dig your claws and drag them all down to hell with you.


	8. In Your Honor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"You've been given all the power boy. Now go and make your move." — Coheed and Cambria, No World For Tomorrow_

"Did any of you see where Hisoka went off to?" you asked Killua and Gon. They both shook their heads. "Can you track him?"

"Should be easy enough," Killua replied with a shrug. "I mapped out most of the island while looking for my target."

You nodded at his answer, chewing your thumbnail as you started forming a plan. With Gon's sharp senses and Killua's expertise, it should be easy to pinpoint Hisoka's location. And knowing about the trap Ponzu was in would help save some time by avoiding having anyone fall into it. If anything, it was Hisoka that worried you the most because you didn't know how he would react.

"What do you have in mind?" Kurapika asked, bringing your attention back to the present.

"Since we have so little time left, we need to split up. One group goes to Ponzu and the other to Hisoka to persuade him to exchange his tag for 384's," you began. You paused for a bit, as you thought about how to explain yourself without giving out that you knew too much. "Going to each individually could take too long. Hisoka's too unpredictable and we don't know what we'll have to deal with when we find Ponzu."

"So, how would we split up?" Killua asked.

_Snakes. Bees. Poison_.

Or…

_Hisoka_.

You shuddered, remembering how he'd taunted you with Leorio's life. There was no way you could allow him anywhere near Hisoka again. But the cave wasn't any better. The image of Leorio lying wounded on the cave floor made you feel sick. How were you going to keep him safe?

_Ah! Devil's Bargain…I can use it to bypass the snake trap. Then he won't have to get hurt at all!_

"Leorio and I will deal with Ponzu since she's his target. You three will find Hisoka and exchange his tag for 384's," you said.

Kurapika's eyes met yours. "No, I made an alliance with Leorio, so I'll go with him. You have a better chance of standing up to Hisoka than I do."

_No, you don't understand_ , you thought, gritting your teeth together. You couldn't tell him that you already knew what was in store for them. Even if you tried to pass it off as part of your powers, if anyone could call out that bluff, it was Kurapika.

"B-but Hisoka might not give up his tag without a fight. If anyone can convince him otherwise, it'd be you, Kurapika," you stuttered, fumbling for excuses. "If I go, it'll just cause problems like last time. I mean, Hisoka, he'll…he'll—"

A heavy hand landed on your shoulder and you turned to see Leorio standing beside you. "After what Raven's been through, we can't expect her to face Hisoka again so soon. You should go with Gon and Killua, we'll be fine."

Kurapika frowned but nodded in assent. You gave Leorio a quiet thank you and he gave you a comforting squeeze in return.

"But, how are we gonna find Ponzu?"

"Do you guys know anything about her?" Gon asked. "I tracked Leorio by scent before. Maybe she uses some kind of perfume that I can use to find her location?"

"She uses pharmaceutical products to defend herself, so she'll probably have a strong scent of medicine," Kurapika replied. "Will that suffice?"

"I think so."

"Okay, so we'll split up after we find Ponzu then," you said, glad to finally have a plan of action. "We'll meet back here, near the starting point when we're done."

With that taken care of, you went to get your tags from Leorio's briefcase and hid them in your pockets. There was something you needed to take care of before you all departed.

You walked up to Killua and motioned for him to lean closer. "Can we talk in private?" you whispered. "There's something I need to ask you."

He nodded and the two of you quickly walked until you were sure the others were out of earshot, hidden by the trees. "What did you need to talk about?" he asked.

"Contingency plans. There's no guarantee Hisoka will cooperate with us. If he looks like he won't, tell him it's a deal from the devil." Killua gave you a puzzled look. "He'll know what it means. But if that doesn't work either and you don't think you can win, take the tag and run." You pushed your own tags into his hands. "If that happens, then give these to Gon. With them and 384, he'll pass."

Killua's brows furrowed as he stared at them. "Why are you only telling me this?"

"Two reasons" you replied, holding up your fingers. "You won't give me a hard time for this and because out of everyone, you have a better chance of getting through to Gon so he'll accept these."

Killua looked away, his cheeks reddening and you had to bite your lip to keep from squealing. It was so cute how much he wanted Gon to like him and even cuter seeing it in person.

"You know there's no guarantee he'll take them from me either, right?" he muttered.

"Just say they're extra tags you found or something," you suggested, waving away his concern. "Give it to him as a friendship offering."

"What about you?" he asked. "You won't pass without them."

You hummed for a bit, kicking at the grass with your shoe. "I'll be fine. Besides, there's still time for me to hunt down 6 more tags." It was a lie, of course, and Killua already knew that. It was funny how much easier it was to fib around him. If Leorio had asked you the same question, you wouldn't even be able to look at him.

Killua stared at you for a moment, his blue eyes searching. It was starting to make you uncomfortable until he finally spoke. "You changed."

"Huh?"

"You're not as scared as you were after the third phase. You seem more like a real Hunter now."

You blinked several times as his words sunk in. After what he'd said to you in the first phase…this…  _A compliment, a real compliment from Killua! What should I do with it?_ It was something you'd fantasized about in your previous life and now that it was happening, you couldn't stop your inner fangirl from coming out.

"Ah! Killua-chan, thank you!" you squealed, pressing your hands to your warm cheeks.

"Ew, don't call me that!" he snapped, looking at you with disgust. "Just forget I said— Oy! What the hell are you doing?!"

You'd thrown your arms around him and hugged him tightly. This might be the only chance you'd ever get to do this, so you took advantage of his better mood. A secret part of you wanted to hold the entire group this way, just to feel how real they all were. All flesh and bone and warmth. And if you stood still, you could faintly feel his heartbeat through his shirt. You pulled away from him before he got the idea to shove you away. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself."

"I should've kept my mouth shut," he grumbled, his lips curled in disdain. "I forgot how crazy you've gotten."

"Nope, sorry, you can't take it back!" you giggled, ignoring his protests. You turned away and began walking back to the others with a noticeable spring in your step.

* * *

It was easier to go through the island much faster as a group without having to worry too much about anyone attacking. The only examiners worthy of concern already finished, leaving only the weak and desperate. None of those would stand a chance against the five of you. You all managed to reach the cave right before nightfall. Some of the roots from the trees above curved down around the entrance like hooked talons. Knowing what awaited inside made you feel tense, so you clenched your fists and tried to calm your nerves.

"Are you certain you'll be all right?" Kurapika asked. For a second, you thought he was asking you, but when you turned around to answer him, you saw he was looking at Leorio.

"Quit worrying, I'll be fine," he replied. Then he reached out to ruffle your hair, much to your dismay. "Besides, I trust this one."

Kurapika nodded tersely. "We'll be taking our leave then."

The three of them waved goodbye and walked deeper into the island to search for Hisoka. You hoped that the magician wouldn't give them too much trouble and that they'd all return safely. And if he didn't accept the trade, then hopefully they'd be able to run away from him. You couldn't help wondering what this world would take from you if it answered your prayer. The thought worried you more than you cared to admit.

"I'm gonna take a look inside," Leorio said, snapping you out of your thoughts. "You wait here and don't come in until I give the okay."

"Wait!" you gasped and gripped the sleeve of his shirt before he could walk off. "It's too dangerous. I'll go."

"You're not going in there. She's my target, so I should be—"

"You don't understand! I…" You stopped and took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself before continuing. There was no way you were going to allow him to enter that cave and get hurt. "It's a trap. If you go in there, you're going to get bitten by hundreds of venomous snakes and you won't be able to come back out."

Leorio hesitated for a moment. "How do you know that?"

You sighed, knowing you were going to have to explain more about your powers. You didn't  _want_  anyone to find out until they finally learned about Nen. At least, not until after what happened in the swamp. Before that, you'd planned to have your powers on full display there to impress everyone and stand out. Until you saw Hisoka maim that guy up close.

Until you realized that, you didn't want the attention of people like him.

But this world taught you that things weren't always going to turn out how you wanted them. You had to use your ability to help you survive this exam. You hoped it counted for something less selfish that you'd also used it to protect the person you cared about.

"Raven?"

"Right. Um, I checked the cave when we arrived. My power lets me see through the dark, kind of like a security camera. I guess."

"If there's a trap in place, you're definitely not going in there," he said firmly.

"You said you trusted me, right?"

"Yeah, but—"

You raised your hand to cut him off. "Then let me do this for you. I can get inside without putting myself in danger." You summoned Devil's Bargain to cover you partially as proof.

He frowned but still nodded. "Fine, but if you're not out in ten, I'm coming in after you."

You dropped to your knees, slowly sinking down into the shadows. "You come in there and I'll never forgive you."

"Better that than leaving you in danger," he called out before you let your Hatsu consume you.

You swam through the cold shadows until you reached the area just around the cave. You floated in the void, looking in from above where the darkness was stronger. The area was a lot smaller than you'd expected. There were two lamps in front of both Ponzu and the other man in there with her, bathing them in a harsh, yellow glow. Although you couldn't remember the man's name, you knew he was already dead.

_Poor girl, trapped inside here with that corpse._ You wondered how she was so calm during all this but realized there was no other option for her but sit and wait. She'd already accepted her fate.

You decided to see if your voice could travel into the cave to communicate with her. "Hello? Can you hear me?" To your surprise, your voice echoed all around the cavern.

Ponzu flinched, her eyes darting around the cave. Her yellow hat began to buzz in warning. "Who's there?"

"It's okay, please don't freak out. I'm here to get you out," you assured her, hoping she'd calm down. You were going to have to get her to subdue her bees before you could pull her through. The shock of your powers might end up triggering an attack that could hurt you or Leorio.

"Where are you? There's only one entrance to this cave and no one can get in without being trapped."

"I'm communicating with you from outside," you explained. "The snakes can't hurt me from here."

The other girl's brows furrowed. "And you can see me?"

"Yep. You and that guy's corpse."

"Is there another way out of this cave?" Ponzu asked.

"Yeah, kind of. Like I said, I'm here to get you out, but first I need you to use your sleeping gas on your bees."

"And leave myself defenseless? I don't even know who you are!" she replied angrily.

Although her skepticism was warranted, you couldn't help feeling annoyed about how difficult she was being. You didn't want Leorio to end up running into this death trap because you took too long. You didn't even  _need_  to rescue her when the tag was what you were after. Besides, with the snake charmer still in the cave with his, the committee would find her after this phase was over. The chill began seeping into your chest. You wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, go back to the warmth of the outside and meet up with the others. Not waste your time with this ungrateful bitch that wasn't even smart enough not to fall into this—

_Wait, what am I saying?_

You pressed a hand against your head but jerked it away when you felt how ice cold it was.  _I need to calm down,_  you thought. How could you think such horrible things about Ponzu? It wasn't her fault the trap was set. She couldn't have known what she got herself into. And she was right to be concerned about your intentions. This was the exam, after all.

_If Gon didn't leave her behind, then I can't either._ You needed to earn her trust somehow. You decided that for once during your time here, you'd be honest with her.

"My name is Raven and I'm applicant 200," you replied. "You are my friend's target and honestly, I could just take your tag and leave you here for the committee to rescue. But I  _want_  to help you get out instead. You don't deserve being trapped in here with that corpse."

"200…?" Ponzu muttered, then her eyes widened with recognition. "You wouldn't happen to the little girl covered in blood in the third phase, would you?"

_Is...Is that how people remember me?_  you thought with dismay. "Yeah, I guess that's me. Hi."

Ponzu looked down for a moment, before replying. "Bourbon was my target. If you can get me his tag, then I'll accept your help."

You smiled with relief. "I give you my word."

She grabbed her canister and gave it a few pumps before the gas released with a loud hiss, instantly filling the cave. Ponzu's eyes closed and she slumped to the ground unconscious. Her hat rolled off her head and the bees tried to fly out, but only managed to bob lazily in the air before succumbing to the effects of the sleeping gas. The snakes began falling from the ceiling as it hit them too.

You floated over to where Bourbon was and reached through the shadows, rummaging through his clothes until you found his tag. Afterwards, you grabbed Ponzu and pulled her through the darkness until you emerged near the cave entrance. Leorio quickly greeted you there, helping you pull her out.

"Raven! I was just about to go in after you," he said.

"And you would've been knocked out by sleeping gas," you replied, releasing Devil's Bargain. "Set her down by that tree over there please."

You waved him away after he set laid her down, not wanting a repeat of what happened at the tower with the female prisoner. You searched her until you found her tag and tossed it to Leorio. "Sorry about lying to you," you whispered while putting Bourbon's tag in her pocket. "I guess it's just a part of who I am." You brushed her teal hair away from her forehead, remembering her eventual fate in the NGL. Her and Pokkle's deaths always seemed too sudden and cruel.

_Would it really be so bad if I warn her? She's a minor character anyway, how much difference could it make?_

But that day was still a long ways off and the two of you needed to hurry back. Instead, you simply gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and wished her good luck before heading back to the meeting place with Leorio.

* * *

The sun had long set and you could feel the darkness calling to you from all over. You leaned your head back against the rough tree bark, staring at the numerous twinkling stars through the canopy of leaves. Back home, you'd only ever been able to see a couple of here and there. But out here on the island, it was as if someone had cleared away everything between you and the sky and let you glimpse into the cosmos.

"Do you think they've run into any trouble?" you asked, hugging your knees to your chest. "It feels like it's been too long."

"They still had to track him down. I'm sure they're fine," Leorio replied, giving you a reassuring squeeze.

You wished you could be as optimistic as him, but so much had gone wrong that you couldn't help but assume the worst. If things had gone smoothly for the two of you, then didn't that mean something was bound to happen with the others?  _Maybe I should've let the snakes bite me or something as payment…_

"Hey, Leorio?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think I've changed since we first met?" you asked, toying with a stray twig you found beside you. "Killua said I did. He said I was more like a real Hunter now."

Leorio chuckled. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

You started tracing lines into the dirt. "But, is that a good thing?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"I guess…it just feels like everything's happening too fast, you know? Just a few days ago, I was a huge mess after what happened at the tower. Since then I feel like all my emotions are all over the place. Remorse, grief, love, happiness… _hatred_. I started thinking some awful things about Ponzu back at the cave and I don't know why. Maybe I am going crazy."

You noticed the lines you'd drawn on the ground had formed a pattern of symbols. They were all the same mark. It looked like a backward seven with two lines on its left side. You flinched when Leorio started ruffling your hair and pulled your attention back to him.

"You're probably just stressed," he said, hugging you close. "With everything that's happened so far, I don't blame you."

"Maybe you're right," you replied. But you couldn't help feeling there was something more to it. Or maybe he  _was_ right and you were just overthinking things. Maybe you'd start to feel normal again after the exam was over. Only you weren't really sure what 'normal' was anymore.

Your cheeks began to warm as a new idea found its way into your mind. Maybe Leorio could teach you if you could stay by his side. But the thought of asking him sent the butterflies in your stomach aflutter, so instead, you just snuggled up closer and enjoyed the warmth. Your eyelids were beginning to feel heavy. You vigorously rubbed your eyes, fighting to stay alert.

"Feeling tired?" he asked, sounding amused.

"No," you lied, stifling back a yawn. But then he started stroking your hair and you knew you were done for. "Will you wake me if they come?"

"I promise."

And with that, you let yourself rest.

* * *

"They're back."

Your eyes blinked open as you jolted awake, squinting against the morning sun. You pushed yourself up and saw the three heading your way, unharmed much to your relief. But they all looked so grim and serious. Then you laid eyes on who accompanied them and you understood why.

The color drained from your face as Hisoka's wicked smirk sent your nerves in disarray. You cursed him for showing up when your power was at its weakest.

"What's  _he_  doing here?" Leorio demanded as Killua approached you two.

Killua only briefly glanced at him, his sharp eyes warning him not to make a scene. He shoved his hands into his pocket and held out your tags without as much as a word.

"What's going on?" you whispered, taking the tags from him.

"He made us bring him along," Killua replied, keeping his voice low and grave. "In exchange for the tag."

"Did he hurt you?" you asked, looking him over and checking for any signs of cuts or bruises.

Killua shook his head. "He…wants to talk to you." He didn't say anything else as he moved to stand beside Gon. Kurapika took his place beside Leorio, leaving you alone as Hisoka stopped in front of you.

You couldn't help the wave of warning aura that leaked from you at his proximity. Everything about him just set you on edge. There was no preparing for Hisoka's actions because he didn't follow any plans. He always did what he wanted and what he wanted could always change at any moment. This man, to you, was like death incarnate. Following only his own whims and taking what he pleased.

Hisoka's eyes glimmered with interest, but he didn't move otherwise.

"What do you want?" you asked, crossing your arms in front of your chest in an attempt at looking confident.

"Don't worry, Rey-chan. I'm only here to talk~" he drawled. His hand lashed out and he gripped your arm painfully tight as he dragged you closer. You dug in your heels, trying to pull away. Behind you, you could hear Leorio's protests and the others trying to calm him down. Hisoka turned his head to you, tapping one finger against the tag on his chest. It was 384. "I fulfilled my end of the bargain. Now it's your turn~"

"Fine," you conceded, still glaring at him.

He grinned and suddenly yanked you forward. You gasped as you almost lost your footing and stumbled against him. His lips brushed against your ears. For a moment, you thought he was going to kill you. Leorio's face was the last thing you saw in your mind before Hisoka spoke.

"The 200th floor of the Heaven's Arena. I'll be waiting, Rey-chan~"


	9. The Swindler's Guide to a Stalemate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Surrounded by snakes and talking sharks, be mindful the words you choose."—Coheed and Cambria, The Audience._

A tense silence followed in the wake of Hisoka's invitation. You could hear his footsteps as he walked away with that stupid smirk still on his face. You tried to focus on the fact that he hadn't killed you instead of the rising panic bubbling in your chest. At least he hadn't tried to fight you like last time. This is what you tried to distract yourself with as you pressed a hand to your stomach, trying to keep yourself from hyperventilating.

It only took a few seconds for everything to snap back into action, like a rock shattering glass.

"Hisoka! What the hell was that? HISOKA!" Leorio demanded, moving to rush after him, but Kurapika held him back. "Let go. I have to go after that bastard and—"

"And do what?" Kurapika asked. "He's a lot stronger than you."

"Yeah, but…"

"We all have our tags to pass this phase. You, me, Gon, Killua…" His suspicious gaze darted to you for a brief moment, before continuing. "And Raven. Instead of looking for trouble, we need to stay alert until this phase is over."

Leorio huffed in frustration, the tension leaving his body even though he wasn't entirely happy about it. "…fine."

Gon walked up to you and placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. "Are you okay?" he asked, his brown eyes looking at you with concern. There were no traces of meddling in them, only worry for your well-being.

"I'm fine," you replied with a tight smile. You were grateful for the respect to your privacy he showed. The last thing you wanted to do was give Hisoka's warning any more thought. "He's just…always so intense, y'know?"

He beamed, nodding eagerly. "Yeah! Like back in the swamp or with after the tunnel."

"He always has to make a scene, doesn't he?" You started to feel some of that unease ebb away the more you talked to Gon. "I bet if you ask him, he'll say it's something like,  _A magician always has to captivate his audience~_ " you said, squinting your eyes and pretending to shuffle a pair of imaginary cards in your hands.

The two of you fell into a fit of giggles over your impression.

"No, no, you've got it all wrong," Killua interjected. He licked his thumb, picked up some dirt and painted a crude star and teardrop under his cheeks. Then he ran his hand through his white hair, the natural oils making it stay back in a rough imitation of Hisoka's. You could barely stifle your giggles at the sight. " _Unripe fruit can look_ so  _appetizing~._ "

You burst out laughing, tears rolling down your cheeks at the way Killua imitated his weird groaning speech. He ruffled his hair back into shape, grinning proudly at making you and Gon laugh harder. Leorio snorted at the display and even Kurapika could help the faint smile on his lips.

_This is good_ , you thought as you wiped the tears from your cheeks. This is what you needed, not isolation and wallowing in pity like you'd done after the tower. You needed people that wouldn't hesitate to make you smile when you felt at your worst.

This group wasn't a crutch. It was the closest thing you had to a family.

The announcement signaling the end of the phase came not long after, asking for everyone to step forward to the clearing. You followed the others, cheerful at the fact that—situation with Hisoka aside—everything went as planned. The five of you passed and now there was only one phase left. It seemed like an eternity since you'd first started, even though it's been only eleven days. But so much happened since then and now it was almost over.

You looked around at all the applicants left, idly wondering if they really saw you the way Ponzu did.  _The little girl covered in blood in the third phase_. Your friends didn't, obviously, and neither did Hisoka. You weren't sure about Hanzo. But if they did, it would definitely affect the way they'd approach you in the one-on-one battles. If they perceived you as weak, then they'd be willing to jump on that opportunity for a win. That's just how this world worked.

This meant that your plan not to draw any attention to yourself backfired spectacularly. The devil's laughter echoed in your mind. Every good move you made and it felt like the devil easily put you three steps back.

When the airship arrived, the five of you went in together. The craft would take everyone to the final exam site, which Beans revealed would be a hotel managed by the committee. After a brief rundown of the place, they left everyone to do as they pleased during the trip.

"Killua and I are gonna find something to eat," Gon announced. Killua stood by him with his hands in his pockets. "And we're gonna share a room together. Raven, do you wanna room with us too?"

The idea didn't sound too bad. You'd planned on having a room all to yourself, but with Hisoka running around loose—and three days for him to cause mayhem— it wasn't a good idea. But before you could answer him, Leorio hooked an arm around you and pulled you against him.

"Raven's going to room with me because  _we_ still have a lot to talk about," he said while narrowing his eyes at you. "Don't we?"

"Um…well…" you began, fumbling with your words as your cheeks warmed. "Ah, what about you, Kurapika?"

"I think it's sensible for us to share rooms," he replied evenly. "They haven't given out any rules against fighting here. I assume someone's going to want to take advantage of that."

"You can bunk with us," Leorio invited and the blond nodded. "Great! Let's go find a room then," he announced, dragging you along with them.

"Wait, I haven't…" you began, but he made an obvious show about not paying attention to your protests.

"We'll let you know which room we pick!" Gon called after you. You turned your head and waved back gratefully.

The sight of an actual bed when you entered the room made you forget all your reluctance. You wriggled out of Leorio's grip and ran to flop face down on the bed. Thankfully, it was large enough to fit the three of you comfortably, though the thought of sharing a bed made you blush a little.

"Oh, it feels good to lie on a real bed," you sighed, muffled by the comforter.

The bed shifted and you heard a throat clearing. You peeked up to see Leorio sitting down beside you with an expectant look on his face.  _Ah, damn._  You sat up and found Kurapika looking at you too as he set down his things.

You couldn't tell them what Hisoka said. Well, you  _could_ , but there was no doubt that Leorio would throw a fit about it. It wasn't like you couldn't go either. Hisoka would probably track him down and do something horrible for not fulfilling your end of the bargain.

"I'm gonna take a bath," you blurted out and dashed to the adjacent bathroom before they could stop you.

"Raven!"

"Too late, already taking off my shirt," you announced, locking the door behind you. Hopefully, a bath would buy you enough time for them to forget about Hisoka or at least give you time to come up with a convincing lie. Besides, you really needed to get clean after all the running and sweating you did on the island.

You let the tub fill almost to the brim, enjoying the warmth of the gathering steam. The water felt heavenly as you slowly dipped into it, savoring the feel. This was one of the luxuries you didn't know you'd missed until now. The heat seeped the tension away from your muscles and you closed your eyes with a sigh. You were going to take advantage of these three days to relax and build up your strength for the final phase. You'd work on your Nen a little too. Who knows who you'd end up fighting against. You hoped the devil wasn't planning on pitting you against Leorio, though that did seem like something it would do.

Even if it did, you'd forfeit the match and give him his win. The way the fights were structured, only one person needed to fail for the others to pass.

And that person would be Killua.

You frowned, remembering the scene the way you'd read about it in your past life. Illumi would reveal himself and manipulate his brother into losing. Killua would kill one of the applicants and fail, giving the others an automatic pass. Of course, he'd go on to pass next year's exam anyway, so it didn't really matter in the long run.

But the image of him laughing with you came to mind and you compared it to the haunted look after he confronted Illumi. He'd become a Hunter regardless, but before that, he had to suffer.

It just wasn't right.

Maybe you could warn him about it. Or convince him not to blow his match with Pokkle so he'd win before even reaching Illumi. Except how would you explain the fact that you knew fucking  _future_? And was it really wise for you to do so?

The overhead announcement interrupted your thoughts. It was time for the chairman to begin interviewing each candidate, starting with Hisoka. You grimaced at the sound of his name, eager for when you could finally go a day without hearing it.

* * *

Fortunately, by the time you got out of the bath, Leorio had calmed down about Hisoka. Though he did warn you not to wander off by yourself so he wouldn't try anything else. Once they announced your name, you quickly made your way to the interview room and cautiously stepped inside.

The chairman gazed at you from where he sat, his hands hidden in the folds of his sleeves. "Have a seat," he said, nodding once towards the other cushion on the floor.

While Hisoka made you anxious with his unpredictable moods, it was Netero that terrified you—after Pariston, that is. Unlike the others, he was the one person you could never quite categorize as either good or bad. His playfulness sometimes bordered on insanity, though he was not as amoral as Hisoka. But there were times it seemed like he didn't care about anyone's lives at all. If there was ever a time to act as unassuming as possible, it was now.

Still, his Hyakushiki Kannon was  _really cool_.

"I'd like to ask you a few questions to get to know you better," Netero stated after you'd settled down.

"O-Of course, Chairman," you replied, clasping your hands together to hide their trembling. "Please, go ahead."

He chuckled at your display. "No need to be so formal. It's just a simple inquiry." Your cheeks warmed. "Now then, first question. Why do you want to be a hunter?"

_I don't_ , you thought, remembering how Kurapika posed that same question to you back at Zevil Island. But an answer like that could invite trouble. "The man who raised me was a Hunter and so I want to become one just like him!"

"I see," he replied, his expression blank.  _That's a good thing, isn't it?_  "Of all the other candidates, which one catches your attention the most?"

"Leorio," you replied without hesitation. "Um, I mean, applicant 403."

"And the final question." Netero leaned forward, elbows on the table as he raised one finger. "Which candidate do you want to fight against the least?"

"44." The answer came just as quickly. After a second's thought, you added, "and 301."

The chairman straightened up and scribbled something on a notepad. "Very good, thank you. You may go back."

"Thank you for your time," you said and stood. But when your hand reached for the door, you stopped. "Chairman, may I ask you something?"

He looked up, with only the smallest hint of attentiveness. "Go ahead."

You hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words. "Do you think killing people is wrong?"

"That's why we have laws against it," he replied, smiling as if he was indulging a small child.

"Except they don't really apply for hunters," you corrected, remembering Hisoka's main reason for taking the exam. Indeed, he got away with a lot of shit he did later on because of his Hunter status. You wondered what kind of people found these laws acceptable when they bred personalities like Hisoka's.

Netero put down his notepad and leaned forward, looking a bit more interested now. "Is this about the tower?"

Your heart jumped at the mention, but you fought to keep yourself looking calm. Of course, he'd know about that. They monitored the phases, after all. "Yes and no."

"The world isn't so black and white, dear," he replied. "Humans are complex creatures. You can't classify anyone as simply  _good_  or  _evil_. Besides, sometimes killing becomes necessary, something especially true for Hunters."

You heard this type of rationale before in your old life. About the nuances in morality that were steeped in many shades of gray. It sounded like a lot of bullshit from people who didn't want to feel guilty about their crimes. "Have you ever killed without reason, chairman?"

"I have not."

"But you're fine with letting people die for this exam?"

The chairman laughed suddenly, causing you to flinch. He didn't seem at all affronted by your suggestion. "Being a Hunter is a huge responsibility. While we give everyone the chance to become one, that doesn't mean anyone can. That's why I make the exams so challenging every year. When you push people to their limits, that's when you can see who'll really shine."

"But do you even think about them?" you asked, unable to keep the emotion out of your voice. "About all the people that have died? Doesn't anyone  _care_?"

"Do you?" he countered, leveling his gaze at you.

You scowled, unable to answer him. All this time, you'd thought about yourself or Leorio, worrying about his safety above that of everyone else. You didn't cry about the man whose arms Hisoka severed. Or the countless applicants that died in the swamp. Or the man that died outside of the tower. You cried after Brigbel, but only because it had affected  _you._

So how could you stand before him and accuse him of something you were guilty of too?

Netero sighed. "If we stopped to grieve for all the dead men in this world, we'd never be able to move forward. Death is just another part of life, dear. All we can do is fight it for as long as we can. You'll have an easier time the sooner you accept this."

You nodded, though you didn't exactly agree with him, at least you knew now where you stood regarding the chairman. "Thank you and I'm sorry for taking up so much of your time."

"Not at all," he chuckled. "I look forward to seeing how you'll fare during the final test."

You nodded once before stepping out of the room.

* * *

"Where's Leorio?" you asked when you came back and found only Kurapika there.

"He stepped out for a bit."

"Oh." You thought about going to look for him but remembered his warning about wandering alone. So you quietly went over to the window and peeked out onto all the buildings disappearing under the airship as it passed.

Although you couldn't quite put your finger on it, something about this silence that made every muscle in your body tense up. You tried to keep your expression neutral as you gazed into the afternoon sky. It wasn't that you didn't like Kurapika, but ever since the island, his attitude towards you had changed. You didn't know if it was the display of your powers or something else, but since then, things between the two of you seemed strained.

It almost felt as if you were awaiting some kind of blow from him.

"I know you're hiding something."

_Ah, there it is_.

"Really?" you asked while keeping your eyes trained on the view. Which secret was he was talking about? Yours or Hisoka's. "It doesn't have anything to do with you if that's what you're wondering."

"It's not me I'm worried about," he replied. Your eyes finally met his determined gaze. "It's Leorio."

Your chest felt tight. "Why?"

"Because if your secrets are a threat to him, then it would be prudent for you to stay away."

You scoffed and crossed your arms over your chest. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you sound a little jealous," you shot back. How could he even think that after all you'd been through for Leorio's sake? All the tears, the worrying, the  _pain_.

"Leorio's my friend," Kurapika said. "I'm only looking out for him."

As you looked at him, you saw the overlaid image of something black and formless. Laughter echoed in your ears.

_(Are you willing to sacrifice your knight?)_

Your heart pounded against your chest at the audacity the devil had to use Kurapika's concern for Leorio against you in an attempt to get you to let go. To drive a wedge between you and your knight and everything you'd gained during the exam. Hadn't you already lost enough?

"Do you know why I insisted on going with Leorio find his target?" you demanded slowly, your hands clenched tightly. You tilted your chin up and pulled your shoulders back, wanting to show no weakness as you glared at him— _it._  "It was a trap. Anyone who entered had no chance of leaving without falling victim to hundreds of venomous snakes. Leorio never stepped foot inside that cave."

When was it ever going to be satisfied? If it wanted to take everything from you, then why grant your wish in the first place?

"If you think that I would do anything that might endanger him, you're wrong. I don't ever want to see him hurt. Before that happens I…"

The air around you began to chill, seeping into the tips of your fingers and the edges of your body. The lights overhead buzzed. Flickered once.

In the end, it didn't matter how much the devil tried to pull you apart. Because you'd always fight and protect him, no matter what. You didn't care how often you'd get hurt or bleed because of it. As long as Leorio was safe, you were happy.

When everything else in this new life was so uncertain, he was the only thing that still anchored you to the present. The sole reason why you chose to remain in a world that was nothing but an endless cycle of grief and hatred. One that didn't care whether you lived or died.

Because people as noble as Leorio still existed here.

And it gave you hope.

Hope that, even from your selfish wish, something good could be born. That no matter how much blood stained your hands or how far steeped in darkness you'd become, you were still something worth saving.

"…I would rather  _die_."

"Is that so?"

"Yes," you gasped, your expression softening. Just thinking of him brought a feeling of warmth in your chest. "I would do anything for him."

"Even fight Hisoka?"

"As many times as necessary."

"I see," he replied, looking away. When you blinked, the figure disappeared, leaving only Kurapika there. "Then I apologize for upsetting you. I only asked out of concern."

"I know," you replied, feeling yourself calm down. The tension seemed to leave the air and even though you still felt uneasy around Kurapika, it wasn't as bad as before. You hoped he felt the same way.

But some part of you was afraid to ask. So you turned back to the window in silence, not reacting when you heard the soft click of the door closing.

* * *

"What do you think the final phase is gonna be?" Gon asked around a mouthful of eggs at breakfast the next morning.

There weren't many people in the cafeteria this early in the morning. The only other two here were Hanzo and another man, who you finally identified as Bodoro. The others probably weren't morning people, like you. You wouldn't even be up this early, except you'd fallen asleep without eating the day before, so Leorio had dragged you out here against your will. Apparently, breakfast was the most important meal of the day, something you remembered was a saying in your past life too.

Not that you could care when you barely had the energy to keep your eyes open.

"It's one-on-one battles," you mumbled from where your face was planted against the table.

"Did you really not guess that from the questions they asked us?" Killua asked and Gon only laughed sheepishly. Killua rolled his eyes and turned back to everyone else "Who did you guys pick for your second question? I chose 53. He just looks so pathetic."

"I chose all you guys," Gon replied earnestly. "E-Except you, Raven. Sorry, but I think your powers are really cool!"

You couldn't help smiling at him. "It's okay."

"My answer was Gon," Leorio added, punctuating the statement with a twirl of his fork.

"I didn't choose anyone," Kurapika said.

You raised your head and looked at each of them skeptically. "Did none of you  _seriously_  pick Hisoka for that one?"

Gon gave a half-hearted shrug. "I think he's interesting. I'd like to fight him at least once."

"Yeah, I don't really care either way," Killua added. Of course, he didn't. As a trained assassin, he probably stood the best chance against him. "I just want a good fight."

"I'd be okay fighting him, but I wouldn't want to fight a friend," Leorio reasoned.

"But you only picked  _Gon_ , which means you're okay with fighting m—the rest of us!"

He smirked and reached out to ruffle your hair. "Ah, don't worry. If it comes down to the two of us, I'll just forfeit."

You smacked his hand away. "Not after everything I did for you to get that badge you're not! If it comes to that,  _I'll_  forfeit and just move on to the next match."

"Ehh? What do you mean next match?" Killua asked, looking at you as if you'd said something stupid. "If it's one-on-one, there isn't gonna be a next match."

You fell silent, chewing your lip as you realized no one was supposed to know the nature of the phase yet. "I…uh…I'm tired okay? I misspoke," you mumbled as an excuse and shoved a piece of toast in your mouth to preoccupy yourself with.

"Hey, Killua. Do you think the chairman will let us train with him again?" Gon asked excitedly.

"He's probably gonna be too busy with preparing for the next phase."

Leorio almost choked on his coffee and you handed him a napkin. "Training with  _the chairman_?"

Gon began explaining the game they'd played with Netero their first time on the airship. While you continued nibbling on your food, you couldn't help think about who they'd match you against. You weren't too worried about the group, but it was the other applicants that put you on edge. They wouldn't care about what methods they used to secure their win.

If the test site had been someplace dark, like the tower, you'd be confident in a win. But the place would be well lit and your powers weakened. Your hand-to-hand combat skills might've been better than average, but they were nothing compared to the others. Pokkle was perhaps the only applicant you felt confident enough to be a match for. The others had too much experience or strength.

You knew the devil was probably up to something, you could feel it in your gut. You needed to come up with some sort of plan to ready yourself. A move that could give you the upper hand in this game.

A move it wouldn't expect and couldn't counter against.

You needed some kind of miracle.

* * *

All the applicants were led to a sprawling room inside the hotel, one with a tiled floor, high windows and enough room to fight. Footsteps echoed against the walls as you all stopped in the middle and awaited the chairman. A group of suited guards filed in, coming to stand on the right side, while the previous examiners were on the left. Beans rolled in a board covered with a white cloth and brought it to a stop in front of you all, with the chairman standing next to it.

"The final phase will be in the form of one-on-one duels," Netero announced. He pinched the corner of the fabric and pulled it away. "The groups are as follows."

You blanched when you saw the rankings.

You and Gon were first to fight against each other. After that, it was Hanzo, then Killua and Pokkle. The rest of the pyramid went exactly as it should in canon.

You turned to Gon, who was already grinning. "We get to fight each other, Raven!"

You chuckled nervously. "Yeah, I-I guess we do…"

There was no way you could fight against Gon. Well, you  _could_  as a friendly sparring match, but the thought of hurting that adorable face was too much. Plus he was the  _protagonist_. You'd most likely end up forfeiting anyway. In which case, you'd have to fight against Hanzo and the ninja was not above hurting children to get his win. And if you lost to him, you'd be up against Killua. You wondered if he'd let you win or if he wanted you to fight.

Although you could forfeit  _that_ match and give Killua his win as a 'fuck you' to Illumi.

But there were so many ways things could go wrong too. Illumi would be your next match and he'd probably torture you before you could quit just for messing up his plan.

"The rules for this round are simple," Netero explained, raising one finger. "One victory means you pass the exam. In other words, winners quit this tournament one by one. Does everyone understand?"

"So that means only one will be eliminated?" Hanzo asked.

"Precisely! And each person has at least two chances to win. Now, any questions?"

The group immediately launched into them, obviously not too convinced about the chairman's methods. The pyramid was all wrong and unfair, giving certain people more opportunities to win than others. Killua was among those questioning, wanting to know how the chairman arrived at such conclusions. While Netero refused to give out specific details, he said the evaluation based on strength, mental acuity, and overall impression. You wondered how much of that was true and how much was just him wanting to troll everyone.

"However, the biggest aspect considered was the overall impression," he said, stroking his beard. "By which I mean any abstract factors not previously mentioned. You can consider this an evaluation of your potential as a Hunter."

_Overall impression_ … you thought while tapping your chin. Maybe there was something you could do. After all, Netero  _was_  the mischievous type.

An unexpected move that would impress the chairman.

( _If pushed far enough, a pawn can become something valuable_.)

( _It shouldn't be overlooked_.)

Realization dawned on you.

"The fight's rules are simple. Weapons are allowed and if you can get your opponent to admit defeat, you win. However, if you kill your opponent, it'll be an immediate disqualification and an automatic pass for everyone else."

Your eyes immediately shifted to Killua and Bodoro. You knew what you had to do now.

"Chairman!" you called, raising your hand up high. He gave you quick nod signaling you to speak. "Just to clarify, only one person has to lose for everyone to pass?"

"That's right."

"Does it matter how?"

He hummed for a bit. "I suppose not as long as it's within the rules."

You squared your shoulders and met Netero's eyes with what you hoped was confidence.

"If that's the case, then I forfeit so that the others may pass."


End file.
